The Center Of The World
by crusading-saint
Summary: Daria's cousin Erin wakes up in Switzerland and realizes she's made a horrible mistake...


****

The Center Of The World.

A flash of light through the window hit the face of Erin Chambers Danielson, waking her up instantly. The bright light bored into her head, causing her to wince in pain. For some reason, her head was killing her. 

She squinted and hunched herself up on her shoulders. Her joints felt stiff and it was difficult for her to move. Her head kept pounding as she did so. After she was up, she glanced around the room, trying to take stock of the situation. 

For a start, she felt incredibly hung over. The champagne bottles on the ground probably had something to do with that. She tried to bring back any memories from the night before, but nothing seemed to come through yet. 

Erin hated waking up like this. She always felt so confused. The room didn't look very familiar, either...it wasn't her room at home or her and Brian's bedroom....

Brian. Erin quickly looked over to the other side of the bed. Sure enough, Brian Danielson was lying there, still in a deep sleep. Erin put her hand to her head, and memories started coming back to her. 

She was in Switzerland, at the St. Moritz resort. Grandma had sent her here to help her deal with the upcoming divorce. 

More and more was coming back to her now. She'd been at the resort, and Brian had shown up, like he always did. They'd gone back to the room, he'd started being really witty and funny and sweet, and then they'd starting having champagne, and the next thing Erin knew, she was agreeing to get back with him and calling Aunt Helen's house to give her and her mother the good news. 

Then, sadly, hormones had taken over. Now, Erin was sitting in bed naked remembering all of this. She put her hand over her face and groaned. This always happened. She always managed to make the decision to leave him, and he always came looking. Then, she would never have the heart to turn him down. He just seemed so pathetic sometimes.

She glanced down at herself, realizing she was still naked. For one moment, she wondered what she should do next. She'd already called and told everyone that they were back together, but the more she thought about it, the less she actually wanted to be with him. As usual. 

Erin considered waking him up and finally, once and for all, telling him that it wasn't going to work between them. Standing firm and telling him exactly what she thought, and dealing with the consequences. 

Or she could just make a run for it. 

As quickly and quietly as she could, Erin got out of bed and picked up her clothes from the mess on the floor. Memories of she and Brian's escapades the night before filtered back into her head, and she shook her head in annoyance. This time, she really wasn't going to let this happen again. 

When she was dressed, she glanced over at the bed again. Brian was still fast asleep, snoring slightly now. Erin took another glance around the room, and found a large bag. She started stuffing as much of her stuff in it as she could. There was no way she was going to be able to fit everything into one bag, but if she was going to make a quick getaway, she'd need to travel light. She also grabbed her medication. She absolutely could not forget that, no matter what. 

This seemed more than a little cowardly to Erin, but she didn't care. If she had to talk to Brian about it, she'd never be able to go through with it, and she'd be right back where she started. 

She finished stuffing as much as she could into the bag, and grabbed her jacket. Taking another glance at Brian's prone form, she hefted the bag onto her shoulder, quietly opened the door and crept out. The thick, plush carpeting on the floor definitely helped her keep it quiet, and the sheer size of the room didn't hurt. Grandma certainly knew how to splurge when she wanted to. 

As she doing so, the bag hit the frame, causing a loud bump. Erin froze, terrified that it would wake Brian up. He stirred a little, and Erin practically ran out of the door, letting it close behind her. What if he'd woken up? It would probably take him a little while to get his bearings, so she had a little time. She had to get out of here. 

She took the old-fashioned elevator cage down to the ground floor and got out. She was right beside the restaurant and the smell of breakfast wafted through the air. Erin was starving, but she couldn't stop now. She rushed down to the front desk. It was still fairly early in the morning, so it wasn't crowded. There was an elderly couple in front of her, checking out. Erin waited behind them, trying not to tap her foot impatiently. When they had finished, she smiled at the concierge, a middle-aged man with snow-white hair. He smiled back as she approached. 

"Madame Danielson," he said. "And how are you this morning?"

"Er, fine," said Erin nervously. She tried to smile, but it ended up looking kind of stricken.

"I need to check out."

"Now, Madame? Won't you stop for breakfast?"

It was tempting, but...

"No, I...er...have to leave." Erin ran her hand through her long red hair. She knew it must look like a fright - she hadn't had any chance to smooth it from its post-coital state. "Real quick."

"Very well. And how was our fair resort for you?"

"Oh, excellent," said Erin sincerely. "I was having a really good time until..." She tailed off and shook her head. "Never mind." 

"Mmm," said the concierge, tapping a few keys on his computer. 

Erin glanced up again. "Er...I need to get a flight or something back to the States. What's the quickest way?"

"Well, the airport is in Zurich..." The concierge paused. "The hotel shuttle can take you to the village. You can catch a train there if you like. I believe that would be the quickest way."

"Thank you!" said Erin excitedly. "Er, when does the shuttle leave?"

"Every half hour." He glanced at the clock. "In roughly five minutes." 

He handed some receipts to Erin and she signed them. "You've been great," she said happily, handing them back to you. "Thanks again" She hefted up her bag again, and paused. "Er...there's this guy following me, and he might ask where I've gone..."

"The small man? Your husband?"

"Yes!" Erin nodded. "If he does..."  
"Where you have gone after you've checked out...is not my business. I will tell him that."

Erin impulsively reached over and hugged the concierge, causing him evident discomfort. "Thanks!" she said brightly. She let go, and rushed out to the shuttle.

****

A short time later, she found herself on a train heading to Zurich. It was a TGV, and she was assured that it was one of the fastest trains in Europe. Brain couldn't hope to catch up, if he'd even noticed she was gone. And if he had, she couldn't promise that he wasn't now hitting on some of the female hotel staff. That would be like him. 

Her return flight wasn't supposed to be for another week, but she had felt the need to do this on the spur of the moment. No doubt there would be plenty of flights back to the US that she could get. 

She looked out of the window. The Swiss countryside, gleaming white with snow, shone back in on her face. It was a beautiful country, she thought. The time she had spent here had been wonderful - up until Brian had shown up. Then her usual weaknesses had revealed themselves and it had all lead to this, her running away, afraid to face up to her responsibilities. 

Again. 

Erin sighed deeply, staring at the snow capped mountains through the window. With a sudden lurch of horror, she realized that now she was going to have to explain to her mother and her grandmother that she hadn't really gotten back together with Brian, despite what she had said. 

There were going to be a lot of explanations wanted and questions asked, and Erin knew that her grandmother in particular was going to be upset. She had always wanted Erin to stay with Brian, for a variety of reasons. This was going to be awkward. 

Erin closed her eyes, remembering how she had met Brian. It had been about three years ago, just before she had turned twenty-one. Her mother had asked her to attend some stupid function that was apparently really important...

****

Erin picked up the glass of wine and took a gulp. She frowned, and downed the rest. These stupid society functions were so boring - Erin couldn't stand them. Sure, it was an excuse to get fabulous new clothes and get dressed up for the evening, but Erin felt that she did that on most nights anyway without having to go to a stupid party.

There was always a bunch of stuffy old people there, going through the routine of schmoozing and connecting. Nothing could be more boring to Erin. She wanted to go and do stuff with people _she _liked. 

Erin had a slight suspicion that she was only ever asked to these things because she was the only one of the family's younger generation who could go. Aunt Helen's family lived so far away, and Aunt Amy didn't have a family (which was apparently a great source of concern to Erin's grandmother). 

As all of this was running through Erin's head, she heard an appreciative whistle come from behind her. She turned to see a young man - not much older than herself - standing behind her. He was wearing a tux and a very cheerful grin. He was fairly attractive, if a bit on the short side. 

When he saw that she had turned around, he held his hands up in mock defense. "I'm sorry," he said charmingly. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Parties like this, I could use the disturbance," said Erin with a smile. 

He walked over and stuck his hand out. "My name's Brian."

"Erin," she said, taking it. "So what brings you to this deathly waste of time?"

"Well, you know how it is, family, that sort of thing..." He smiled broadly and leaned in closer. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Sure," said Erin, intrigued now. 

"I'm kind of here on official business," he said with a theatrical whisper.

"Official..?" Erin shook her head. "I don't get it."

"Let's just say I work for the government," he said, quieter now. "In...shall we say...the protection business?"

Erin raised her eyebrows. "No way."

"Oh yes," he said with a confident grin. He pulled back from her and adjusted his cufflinks. "I'm not really supposed to tell anyone..."

"So you told the first girl you saw here," said Erin skeptically. 

Brian flashed a cocky grin at her, and pulled out his wallet. "Just the most beautiful one." Opening it, he flashed an ID at Erin, then flipped it shut again. She didn't get a great look at it, but it was definitely a CIA ID card. 

Her eyes went wide. "Oh my God!" she said quickly. "That is so cool! So, what do..."

"I can't tell you any more," said Brian loftily. He looked around again quickly. "You can't tell anyone. Promise me."

"Oh, I do!" said Erin a little too loudly. She realized her mistake and looked around to see if anyone had noticed. No one had. She looked back at Brian, grinning goofily. "This is _so _cool," she said, her apathy about the function forgotten in light of this new revelation.

"So..." Her voice went into a hushed whisper. "You're like a spy or something."

"I can't tell you," said Brian. 

"Oh, come on!"

"Sorry," he said firmly. Then the grin returned. "But you haven't told me anything about yourself."

Erin deflated slightly. "Well, my name's Erin Chambers. I'm only her because my mother and grandmother dragged me here." She looked around, trying to find her mother. Much to Erin's unhappiness (but not surprise) she was flirting outrageously with another slimy looking man. Erin didn't recognize him, but she knew the type. This meant she'd have to put up with him for the next few weeks until Mother grew sick of him. 

"That's her," she said, indicating her mother. "Rita Barksdale."

"Barksdale..." said Brian thoughtfully. "That sounds familiar. You guys come to a lot of these things, right?"

"Don't remind me," said Erin darkly. "God, I hate them."

"You want to split?"

Erin cocked her head to one side. "Don't you have some...like, protecting to do or something?"

Brian wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I wasn't suggesting going very far."

Erin looked at him for a moment, then back to her mother, still in the stages of flirting. She really didn't want to see that again. She looked Brian in the eyes and smiled. "Where did you have in mind?"

****

Erin was snapped back into reality by the sound of the train pulling into a station. She glanced up to see that they were pulling into the airport station. She grabbed her bags and got off the train. The station itself was connected to Zurich airport, so she didn't have far to walk. 

Inside the airport, she made a beeline for the American Airlines counter. As she approached, the lady behind the counter smiled. "How may I help you, ma'am?"

Erin smiled nervously. "This might be a little odd, but I need to know the first flight back to the US."

"Well, did you have a certain destination in mind? We have flights going..."

"No, that's okay," said Erin quickly. "Look, I really need to get back to the States as quickly as possible, so the first flight you have with seats available will be just fine." She glanced around nervously as she spoke. Brian would have to realize that she was heading for an airport, and Zurich was the closest one to St. Moritz. He might be here at the moment, and she really couldn't see him. 

"Is everything all right?" said the lady, frowning a little. "You seem a little..."

"My vacation didn't go so well," said Erin, keeping her voice as perky as she could. "So I'm just...trying to get back to normal as quickly as a can. Once I get to the US, I can find my way home."

"I'm sorry," said the lady sympathetically. She tapped a few keys, and her brow wrinkled in concentration. "Let me see...the first flight we have back to the US is to Kansas City. It's boarding in an hour."

"I'll take it," said Erin quickly. She pulled out her credit card and got the tickets (first class, obviously). She said her thanks to the lady and headed for the departures lounge, still looking nervously around for Brian. Zurich airport was a large place. Even if he was here, he might never see her. 

After a short while, the plane boarded and Erin got on. She settled down in her seat, and waited for take off. So much for Switzerland, she thought ruefully. This whole thing had been supposed to take her mind off the divorce, and now things were back to square one, with no divorce in sight. 

Erin covered her face with her hands and sighed deeply. This always happened. She was such a push-over, right from the start of their relationship. In fact, the circumstances of that should have given some clues to its longevity...

****

Erin bit her lips to keep herself from crying out in pleasure as she climaxed. Brian's similar moans a few seconds later showed that he was feeling the same way. She let out a deep sigh of satisfaction and steadied herself on her feet as Brian drew away. 

"Wow," he said, clearly out of breath. 

"Tell me about it," said Erin, with a grin. She pulled her dress down over her crotch and searched around for her panties. They seemed to have lost themselves somewhere in the storage closet. 

Brian zipped up his pants, and tried to straighten his tux. "You know, this is the best party I've ever been to."

"Oh yeah," said Erin, finding her panties and slipping them on. "God, that was so much better than they usually are. Usually Mother has too much to drink and ends up picking up some worthless guy to bang for a few days while I stand around and wish that I was someplace else."

"Bummer," said Brian. 

Erin pulled out her compact and checked her appearance. Her long red hair, which had been immaculately styled, was now very tousled. She tried to tidy it as much as she could, but it didn't look like it was working. "I guess we'd better get back out there," she said. 

"You really want to?"

"Not really." Erin shrugged. "But I...should, I suppose." She finished tidying herself up as much as she could and opened the door of the closet. "Ready?"

Brian nodded, and they went out to rejoin the party. As they did so, Erin noticed without any surprise that her mother was doing exactly what she had predicted. She was sick of this. 

Brian apparently noticed her discomfort. "Sure you don't want to get out of here?" he asked persuasively. 

"I..." said Erin, genuinely torn. 

"Come on," said Brian silkily. "No-one will miss us."

"But your job..."

"Nothing's going to happen," said Brian, sweeping his arms out confidently. "Look at this place. Nothing ever happens."

Erin took one last look at her mother, then turned back to Brian and smiled. "Let's go."

****

Erin stretched her arms out and yawned. She must have fallen asleep. A quick glance out of the window showed that they were in flight above the Atlantic. Erin allowed herself to smile slightly. She had managed to get out of Switzerland without running into Brian at all. 

Her smile faded slightly as she remembered that he'd probably be able to track her down once she was back home. But for the moment, she was free. Another thing flashed through her mind - Brian had no doubt called home to find out if her mother knew where she was. 

Erin frowned, and asked for a phone. She dialed the number and waited. After a few rings, Rita's voice came on. "Hello?"

"Mother?" said Erin nervously. "It's..."

"Erin?" said Rita, surprised. "Where _are _you?"

"I'm in a plane...I'm flying back to the US."

"I just got back from Helen's, and the first thing I find is a whole bunch of messages from Brian asking me if I knew where you were. He said you'd just vanished!"

"Well, I did, but..."

"I was so worried! We didn't know if anything was wrong, or..."

"I've only been gone for half a day or so, Mother. It's nothing to worry about."

"Well, I didn't know that! If I'd known this was going to happen, I never would have stopped at that motel on the way home."

"Why were you at..." Erin decided that that wasn't a question she needed answered. "Never mind."

"Erin," said Rita levelly. "What happened with you and Brian? We thought you two had worked it all out. We even dropped Helen as the divorce lawyer."

"We didn't. Look, I was drunk and happy and I didn't know what I was thinking. We...were back together, but we're not now. It's over."

"Again?"

Erin gritted her teeth. "Yes, Mother. _Again. _Thank you for reminding me of my amazing inability to make a decision."

"I wasn't trying to," said Rita defensively. "Look Erin, dear, I'm just a little confused about what you're doing. I mean, are you with Brian or aren't you?"

"I'm not," said Erin, not sounding quite as definitive as she'd wanted to. "I...don't want to see him again."

"This means we're going to have to go back and hire another lawyer." Rita sighed in an exasperated way. "I can't go back to Helen, she'd just use this against me, and..."

"Is that all you care about?" said Erin sharply. "Look, Mother, I thought you would have wanted me to be happy!"

"I do." Rita's tone went harsher. "Erin, I'm only trying to think about everything. There's more to this situation than just you, you know. And you haven't been very open about what exactly has been going through your mind lately. God knows, you've been very erratic." Her voice softened. "Are...are you coming home?"

"I..." Erin simmered down. " I don't know. I've been so confused," she mumbled. "I..." She shook her head. "Look, I'll call you when I land, okay?"

"Okay," said Rita, a little more concern in her voice. "I love you."

"Love you too," said Erin quietly, and hung up. She lay her head back against the head rest and closed her eyes. Her mother was right about one thing, Erin had been rather erratic lately. She kept flip-flopping with Brian, wanting him gone one second and then getting back together with him the next. 

Erin sighed deeply to herself. If only things had turned out a little differently...

****

Erin and Rita walked out of the clinic. Erin wailed in despair. Again. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. It just seemed so unfair. She began walking to the parking lot, Rita following her. 

"It isn't that bad," said Rita soothingly. "I mean, the doctor said that one in four people has it. That's quite a lot."

"I'm sure they don't have it _this _bad, Mother," wailed Erin again. "God, I can't believe this. Herpes! Why me?" She grimaced in discomfort again. "Damn, that itches. I want to scratch it so badly."

"Well, don't," said Rita crossly. "You heard what the doctor said. Besides, he said that the first time is often the worst."

"It had better be. I couldn't handle anything worse than this." Erin wiped her eyes again. "He never said that he had herpes."

"Well, maybe he didn't know." Rita tried to smile supportively as they entered the lot. 

"If it was like this, how could he not?" Erin sighed. "This is terrible."

"It's not that bad."

"You saw it, Mother! I'm hideous down there." 

"Keep your voice down," said Rita quietly. "You're starting to yell."

"So?"

"So you don't want anyone else to find out, do you?"

Erin's shoulder's slumped. "No."

"You're sure it was your boyfriend?"

"Brian?" Erin nodded sadly. "Yeah. Yeah, it was him." She teared up again. Things had been going so well. She and Brian had been dating for a few weeks now, and she had been really happy. Brian was handsome, witty, and seemed really into her. He was also pretty good in bed, but Erin had kept that part to herself. 

But then this had happened. She'd known what it was from the start - the doctor visit had just confirmed her worst fears. This was mortifying. 

"He seemed like such a nice boy," said Rita brightly. "Maybe he really didn't know."

"I guess," said Erin sadly. She clenched her teeth again. "God, that hurts!"

"It'll be okay," said Rita, putting her hand on Erin's shoulder gently. She smiled awkwardly. "I know that this is hard right now, but..." She tailed off. "I don't know where else to go with this," she finished lamely. 

"That's okay," said Erin softly, putting her own hand on Rita's. "I do appreciate you coming with me today."

"Well, you are my daughter." Rita glanced at her watch. "Anyway, I have to be getting home. I'm meeting Roger tonight or dinner."

Erin sighed. "Okay. Let's go." She frowned. "Which one is Roger, anyway?"

"He's that stockbroker I told you about," said Rita. "I met him at that party, you remember?"

"Oh yes." Erin didn't like him very much, but she was going to keep that to herself. She'd long ago given up on trying to tell her mother what she thought of her various boyfriends. It usually led to a fight, and Erin was in no mood for a fight tonight. They reached the car, and Erin paused for a second. 

"So..." Rita's voice broke through Erin's thoughts. "What are you going to do tonight?"

"Find Brian, I guess," said Erin sadly. "Tell him what happened."

"You might be doing him a favor - he might not know yet."

"How could..." Erin could feel her voice rising and cut it off. No point in getting snippy. "Maybe," she said quietly, and got into the car. She dreaded telling Brian. She found it hard to get mad at him, though. He could be such a sweet guy sometimes, holding her and telling her how beautiful she was. Erin loved that. 

****

Erin shook herself awake as the pilot's voice came over the intercom. He was announcing that they would be landing in a few minutes. Erin yawned and stretched her arms out. The flight had gone quickly, even with the various layovers they'd had. She'd been sleeping for most of it, remembering the past. The option of getting off at the layovers had crossed her mind, but none of them was any closer to home, so she figured why not just stay until the end? 

The plane landed and Erin got off. She retrieved her bag from baggage handling, and walked outside. She was now in Kansas City, Missouri. Or rather, in an airport some miles on the outskirts of it. She could see the city a few miles off in the distance, but around here there was only the airport and some surrounding buildings. She stood outside the terminal for a few moments, unsure of what to do next. 

The obvious idea was to go to the nearest bus terminal, or go back into the airport, and find the quickest way back home. But for some reason, Erin didn't want to do that. If she went back home, Brian would track her down quicker than she wanted. For all she knew, he was already there, waiting for her. 

Erin stood in the Missouri heat, trying to decide what to do. She had never been very good at making decisions. She glanced to either side of herself, searching for some sort of sign of what to do. 

The landscape was flat, and lead off into the city. Erin didn't feel like going anywhere at the moment, so she looked around for a hotel. There seemed to a couple near the airport itself, so she decided to go and get a room. She could freshen up and make more concrete plans there. She wasn't going to make a decision by standing around here all day. 

She booked a room at the first hotel she came to, and went up to the room. Once she was inside, she pulled off her clothes and hopped into the shower. The feel of the hot water relaxed her, and she closed her eyes, unwinding for the first time in a few hours...

****

"You knew?" said Erin, her voice cracking as she yelled. "I can't believe this!"

"Calm down," said Brian soothingly. "I didn't think it was that serious."

"Not that serious?" wailed Erin. She began to fiddle with the buttons on her jeans. "Do you want to see how serious it is?"

Brian reached a hand out and guided her hands away from her jeans. "Calm down, Erin. I'm sorry for not telling you."

"Why..."

"Look," he said persuasively, "I hadn't had a really bad outbreak for months. I thought it was gone. I'm sorry I made a mistake."

"I..." Erin slumped. "This is terrible."

"Look, when we first met..." Brian grinned. "I was far too captivated by your beauty to think about anything like this."

Erin looked up at him. She couldn't help but smile a little. "Really?"

"Oh yeah," said Brian firmly. "God, I was thinking how great you looked. Trust me, I wasn't thinking of anything else."

"Oh." Erin giggled slightly. She couldn't help it. Brian always knew how to make her feel good. She couldn't resist him. 

He took her hands in his gently. "Did you think that this was going to harm us?"

"I..." Erin tailed off. She had been worrying that most people would probably be really turned off by that. How could they not? "Yes," she said in a small voice. 

"It doesn't," he said, smiling at her. She loved his smile. It always melted her inside. He took her face in his hands and kissed her. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "If it's any consolation, I'm not going to look differently at you because of this, okay? I still love you."

"I love you too," said Erin, with a small smile. She couldn't believe how lucky she was to have a man like Brian. 

****

Erin's eyes snapped open in the shower. She felt her face flush with anger as the memories came back to her. That was the way it always went, she thought angrily. Brian always found a way to turn it around so it looked like he was being the generous, loving one - and she always fell for it. Always. 

It wasn't her fault that she'd gotten herpes from him. Well, she could have been a little more careful, but he still should have told her. It was the decent thing to do. 

Erin turned off the shower and got out. Drying herself off, she walked out of the bathroom, and lay down on the bed, tying the towel around her as she did so. It was going to stop. She was going to get rid of Brian once and for all now. She wasn't going to put up with his act any longer. 

Except, she thought sadly, she couldn't make it stick once he showed up. 

Sighing, she lay back on the bed. She needed to talk to someone about this. Not her mother, she didn't seem to understand the situation, plus they hadn't exactly been on the best of terms recently. Not any of her relatives - apparently Aunt Helen hadn't taken her mother's visit very well. Quinn probably wasn't in a great mood either, that meant. Her other cousin, Daria...Erin dismissed that right away. Aunt Amy had never seemed to like Erin very much so that was out. Her grandmother would spend all of her time trying to get her to take Brian back.

Maybe one of her friends? Except she didn't really have many friends that she could talk to about this sort of thing. None of her friends were really close - they were more sort of social friends, or friends from work.

Erin sighed with a resigned tone, and picked up the phone. She dialed and waited. After a few rings, Rita came onto the line. "Hello?"

"Hello, Mother," said Erin sadly. "It's me again."

"Erin! Where _are _you?"

"Missouri."

"What are you doing in Missouri?"

"That was the first flight into the States that I could get."

"Well, are you coming home? I guess you could fly or get a train, or..." 

"I don't know," said Erin. 

"You don't know what?" Rita took a deep breath. "Know if you're coming home?" Her voice became more emotional. "I've missed you," she said tentatively. 

"I've missed you too," Erin confessed. "I'm confused. I don't know what I know..." She frowned. "That didn't make any sense."

"No, you're not," said Rita. "Erin, what's going on? First you tell me that you're back with Brian, now you're breaking up again, and then you run away to the middle of the country."

"I'm not running away," said Erin doubtfully. "I just...I'm not ready to come home yet, because Brian might be there, and..."

"Brian _will _be here. He called just a little while ago, asking if I'd heard from you yet."

Erin sat up in alarm. "Did you tell him where I was?"

"Well, no. I didn't know yet."

"Don't tell him," pleaded Erin. "Please. I can't see him. Not yet."

"What am I supposed to tell him?"

"Just tell him..." Erin rubbed the spot between her eyes. "Oh God, I don't know."

"Erin, are you divorcing him or aren't you?"

"I...don't know." Erin sighed. "I..." She tailed off and closed her eyes. Her head was starting to hurt.

"Because you know if you did, he'd get half of everything you own..."

"That I own? Mother, it's all my trust fund, isn't it? I don't really own anything. Hell, even my job is just a token one that Grandma got me." The memory of the last time they had argued about this flashed through her head, and she didn't want a repeat of that. She shook her head. "It isn't a real job. I've been kind of living off other people my whole life."

"Erin, that isn't true."

"Isn't it?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Actually, I suppose it is," said Rita eventually.

"Thanks a bunch," said Erin bitterly. 

"I didn't mean to upset you," said Rita peevishly. "You're just being so...difficult lately."

"I just went from living with you to living with Brian," said Erin sadly. "Now that I think about it, that's exactly what I did."

"So? Erin, that's what I did when I was your age..."

"That was different! I'm not you!" 

"Erin," said Rita sharply. "That isn't fair."

"I'm sorry." Erin sighed. "It's me. It's all me. I got myself into this, and now I can't myself out. I just can't...stick with anything, I guess. I always have to get someone else to make my decisions." She closed her eyes again, and laid back down on the pillow. "I can't come home yet, Mother. If I see Brian, I'll just fall for him all over again, and I can't..."

"What are you going to do?"

Erin's eyes snapped open again, and she walked over to the window. The wide open landscape of Missouri stared back at her. Not too far in the distance, she could see Kansas City gleaming in the sunlight. "I've never been good at making decisions," said Erin softly. "But I'm going to make one now. I'm going to stay here for a while."

"What?"

"You heard me, Mother," said Erin decisively. A lot more decisively than she felt. "I'm going to stay here. I'm going to get out on my own for a while, start living my own life. I've always had someone to take care of me, and I'm going to try doing it myself for a while."

"But..." Rita sounded totally at a loss. 

"I don't want to use my trust fund," she said impulsively. "I'll use some of it to get started. I can find a place to live, get a real job, and...." Erin tailed off. Suddenly she felt a lot less confident than she had a minute ago. 

"And what?"

"I don't know," said Erin, her voice growing smaller. "Support myself for a while, I guess. I don't want to use any more." 

"Erin, why don't you come home? We can sort this all out. You're not making any sense."

"I..." Erin steeled herself. "No. I've made a decision and I'm going to stick with it for once in my life."

Rita sighed. "All right. Whatever makes you happy, dear."

"Mother?"

"What?"

"Don't tell Brian where I am. Please."

"I have to tell him something," said Rita peevishly. "I can't just tell him you disappeared, can I? Besides, shouldn't you tell him you've decided _not _to get back together with him?"

"Mother, _please,_" said Erin beseechingly. 

"All right. But you should know that you're putting me in a bad position here. I'll have to explain all this to your grandmother as well, you know."

"Thank you," said Erin gratefully. "I love you."

"I love you too, dear." Rita said her goodbyes and hung up. 

Erin stared at the phone for a moment after she did so, and then hung it up. Was she crazy? Whatever had possessed her to say she was going to do this? Erin's life to date had not exactly been a model of independence and self-reliance, if she had to be completely honest with herself. 

She was twenty-three years old, and had never lived on her own. She had lived with her mother up until getting married, and then moved in with Brian. In fact, her family had provided a huge cushion for her, never requiring her to think very hard about her own future or what to do with her life. She was a trust-fund child, she knew that. Her family had always provided for her. They had even gotten her a token job to occupy the hours while she was deciding whether to go to college or not. 

Of course, getting married to Brian had kind of derailed that particular avenue of her life. In fact, now that she looked back on it, Erin couldn't believe she had ever agreed to marry him. Mind you, she hadn't exactly been thinking very clearly that night...

****

"Marry him?" said Rita, her eyes going wide. "He asked you to marry him?"

"Trust me, Mother, it was a bit of a shock for me too." Erin sat down at the kitchen table.

"I need a drink," said Rita suddenly, getting up and walking over to the fridge. She got out a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass. "You want anything?"

Erin shook her head. "No...my head's just spinning. I mean, we were just on a date and we went back to his apartment, and well, he asked me to marry him. I don't even think he had that much to drink, either."

"Wow," said Rita, sitting down next to her. "That is a shock. Did he have a ring?"

Erin shook her head. "No. He said it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. He was really sorry about it, though."

"Did you say yes?"

"Do you think I should?"

"It's up to you," said Rita, taking a sip of her wine. "But he seems like such a nice boy. Your grandmother loves him too. I mean, he has that great job with the government. You could do a lot worse."

"That's true," said Erin quietly. The memory of her first herpes outbreak flashed back into her head, and she shivered involuntarily. She hadn't had an outbreak that bad since, but it could always happen. She thought of how she'd looked back then. What other man would want that? Brian was okay with it - he hadn't dumped her or anything. Plus, he was a fairly nice guy. Erin liked dating him. Out of all the guys she'd been with in her life, he was probably at the top of the list. 

"Mother," she asked tentatively. "When you and Daddy got married...how did you know that he was the one for you?"

Rita leaned back in her chair, and took another sip of her wine. "Your late father and I..." She tailed off. "I just knew," she said quietly. "I've ever met anyone quite like him since."

There was a long silence, as the two women tried not to look at each other. "I wish I'd known him a little better," said Erin finally. 

Rita didn't say anything. She just nodded and looked away. 

Maybe Brian was the one for her, thought Erin. He seemed to love her, he accepted her many faults, and he was a successful guy. The perfect package, in other words. And she loved him, didn't she? She loved being held by him, feeling safe and loved in his arms. It was a feeling she just lapped up. She definitely loved him. 

Erin reassured herself. Of course she did. That settled it - her mind was made up. 

****

The apartment manager walked with Erin into the living room. "Here it is," she said. "It's just a one bedroom, but it's pretty spacious, as you can see. For what we're asking a month, I don't think you'll find anything quite as nice."

Erin started to have a look around. The apartment was small, at least compared to the cavernous family house back home, just a one bedroom. But there was only going to the one of her, so the size didn't matter much. Plus there were other perks. "It's already furnished?" she asked. 

The apartment manager nodded. "Yeah. It's like I was saying. You're not going to find anything quite this good anywhere else in the city."

"And how much is it again?" asked Erin, glancing out of the window. The view was nice, overlooking a public park called Parade Park. It was quite scenic. The apartment complex itself was called Jazz District Apartments. Erin wasn't really much of a music lover, but by all accounts, the city was very proud of its musical heritage.

She'd fallen for the city right away. When she had come in that morning, she had been captivated for most of the taxi ride. The architecture was beautiful. She'd spent most of the morning walking around in the Country Club Plaza, a tree-lined mix of stores and restaurants, filled with beautiful fountains and mosaics. 

After a few hours, though, she had decided that she had to get down to business and work on finding a home. She would have plenty of time for sightseeing later. 

The apartment manager quoted a figure. "Plus there's the security deposit as well. If you've got all the right paperwork with you, we can start today."

"I should," said Erin. "If not, I can get it faxed to us." The figure seemed a little high, but she did have more than enough to cover the deposit and the first month's rent and utilities. After that, things were going to be kind of up in the air, however. She was determined that she was not going to use any more of her trust fund. She was going to do this on her own. Hence, she was going to need a job.

The problem was, Erin reflected, was that she had no idea exactly what kind of job she wanted - or that she would even be any good at. 

Sighing, she went down to get all the paperwork ready with the apartment manager. The apartment was nice, and it did meet all of her needs for the time being. That done, she returned to her hotel room, stopping on the way to pick up a local paper. 

For all Erin's good intentions about making this on her own, the hotel room was still on her credit card. That was going to be the absolute last thing, however. Just until she could move into the apartment, and that would be it. 

Well, except for the fact that she had only brought a few changes of clothes with her. She hadn't had time to pack all of her stuff back in Switzerland, so she needed some new clothes, especially if she was going to start a new job. _That _was going to be the absolute last thing

Erin went back up to her room and groaned. This was starting to get complicated, plus she wasn't feeling too good. Kind of nauseated. She lay down on the bed on her stomach and flipped open the paper. She went to the classified section, and started scanning for jobs that would interest her. 

The problem was that Erin didn't really know what she wanted to do. It was a problem that had plagued her all of her life. A kind of indecision about what exactly she wanted to do. It had been inherited from her mother, she felt. It was why she had delayed going to college for two years before she met Brian. Of course, then the marriage had derailed those plans. 

She looked up from the bed. There was a large mirror on the wall directly opposite her. She stared at her reflection for a few moments and frowned. She was twenty-three years old and still had no idea what she was supposed to do in life. 

"Who _are_ you?" she asked. The reflection didn't answer. Erin sighed, and went back to the classifieds. There had to be something here. Preferably something that said 'no experience necessary'. 

****

"So, Ms. Danielson..."

"Chambers, actually," said Erin, slightly embarrassed. On the application form she had filled out her married name without thinking. She'd have to stop doing that. "Sorry. I'm...er...getting divorced. Soon. Force of habit."

"Oh," said the interviewer. She glanced at her notes. "Now, why do you want to sell insurance?"

"Well," said Erin, weighing her answer carefully. "I've just moved into town, and I was browsing the classified section looking for work, and I saw your ad, and it...intrigued me." The part about not needing any training had intrigued her most of all, but she felt it was important not to mention that part. There was a brief pause, and Erin realized she was going to have to elaborate on that. 

"Well," she continued. The ad copy from the paper flashed back into her head. "I...really enjoy helping people. And I'm really friendly. And I like communicating by phone. And...I'm a really fast learner, and I know I'd be great at this."

Plus she really needed a job - otherwise her bravado about doing this by herself meant nothing. She wondered if openly begging would do the trick. That was how she felt. 

The interview proceeded along in much the same vein. Erin was winging it. A job interview was a fairly new experience for her. She'd had one for her last job, but it had been more of a formality than anything else. With this, this would actually decide whether she got it or not. It was a fairly nerve-wracking experience. 

Eventually, the interview was over. "Okay," said the interviewer. "I'd like you to come back for a second interview. When's a good time for you?"

Erin felt like asking "A second one? Is that good or bad?" But she didn't. Instead, she just gave a time, and walked out of the office. She patted down her new suit (rationalizing that the interviewer would probably react better to a nice new suit), and got a taxi back to the hotel. A second interview was probably a good step, she thought, clutching her stomach as it heaved slightly. Probably something she ate. 

Things were starting to come together for her. She had been approved for the apartment, and was due to move in in a few days. Plus there was a good chance that she was going to have a job fairly soon. This certainly was a step up from the last job related conversation she'd had. 

****

Erin sat down on the (hugely expensive) new couch in her and Brian's living room. They had been married for a few months now, and already she was starting to have second thoughts. "You're getting fired?" she asked in a small voice. 

"Look," said Brian in a vexed tone. "It's internal stuff. It's all politics. It's not my fault."

"Why?" she asked. 

"It's not important."

"Not important?" Erin's eyes flashed in anger. "The hell it isn't!" She looked around the house - bought with Grandma's money as a wedding present. "In case you haven't noticed, _Brian, _we live rather extravagantly. It's not fair that I should have to cover everything."

"I know that." Brian sat down across from her, his tone harsher. "I didn't exactly plan for this to happen, you know. Plus you can afford it, can't you?"

"Just tell me why," said Erin, trying to ignore his last statement.

"Apparently...they're concerned about...my conduct on the job. It's just a smoke-screen, really. It's all politics."

"Conduct..?" Erin shook her head. "This wouldn't have to do with you saying 'hey baby, I'm a secret agent' to every woman you pick up, would it?"

"I don't do...I only did that once," said Brian. "Look, it worked, didn't it?"

Erin glared at him. "I can't believe you just said that."

"I can't believe I _did _that," muttered Brian. "Look where it got me."

Erin was speechless. "You..." She tailed off and ran from the room. She ran into the bedroom, and closed the door behind her. As she slumped down on the bed, she felt tears running down her face. Why did this keep happening? Weren't married couples supposed to be happy at least some of the time? 

For the past few months, just after the honeymoon...

Although if Erin was being totally honest, it had been that way ever since the wedding. That had been such a disaster. She should have seen Brian's true colors from the way he ran off and left her during the reception. She had known that the constant fighting between her mother and Aunt Helen had to have been trying, but weren't married couples supposed to support each other during trying times? At least, that's what everyone said. 

Erin had been left all alone that day. Brian had fled, her mother and Helen had spent it fighting, and her grandmother hadn't even deigned to show up. She had been reduced to sitting in the reception area all alone, on the (supposed) happiest day of her life. 

Brian had shown back up eventually, and they'd tried to start their honeymoon, but it was obvious from day one that there were problems. Maybe it was the fact that they hadn't lived with each other beforehand, but it soon became apparent that they were not suited to spending significant amounts of time together.

They fought. Brian hit on girls constantly when he thought she wasn't looking. They rarely even slept in the same room. 

But still, Erin felt as though she loved him. She didn't know why, but she felt an obligation to make this work, despite all evidence to the contrary. She couldn't just give up, not after only a few months. Plus, there was still the small matter of her...condition. Brian didn't mind about that. She doubted that other people would be so accepting. Maybe these things took time. 

Erin raised herself up from the bed, and wiped her eyes. She had to go out there and try and patch things up again. Hopefully Brian would be in a better mood now. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she tidied herself up as best she could, and went back out. 

****

"Hey!" Erin looked up from her seat in the cafeteria to see who was yelling for her. It was Melissa, walking over with a tray in her hand. Erin had been working there for a few weeks now, and Melissa was one of the people she'd become friendly with. 

She was a short, adorable brunette, with a permanent smirk on her face, and a sardonic comment about everything. Her cubicle had been next to Erin's, and they had struck up a passing acquaintance over time. Erin was still trying to adjust to her new mode of living, so she hadn't made much of an effort to get to know people. 

Plus, she really didn't know how. She was kind of hoping other people would do the ground work. "Hi," she said cheerfully.

Melissa sat down next to her, setting her tray down. "Me and a couple of the other girls are going out tonight. We were sort of wondering if you wanted to come."

"Me?" said Erin. 

"Yeah, you." Melissa smiled. "Come on. You've been working here for a couple of weeks now, and we're kind of friendly, right?"

"Yeah..."

"But we don't know anything about you. You're so...mysterious. Come on. You seem like a pretty cool person, and we want to get to know you."

"Thank you," said Erin with a smile. "Where are you guys going?"

"Blue Room, down on eighteenth. They got live music going tonight. Going to be a lot of fun."

"I know that." Erin thought about it. "Right next to my apartment building, I think."

"Isn't that convenient," said Melissa, opening her lunch, and starting to pick at it. "You want to meet us there tonight? We can have a few drinks, have a few laughs, you know."

"That'd be great," said Erin enthusiastically. "I haven't had much of a chance to get out since..." She tailed off. 

"See," said Melissa, gesturing with her hand. "This is what I mean. Woman of mystery. You always start, then tail off."

"Sorry," said Erin, grinning a little. 

"Don't be. We'll loosen your tongue tonight. It's Friday night. We can go wild." Melissa smiled and went back to her lunch. Erin smiled and did the same. She was glad that she had been asked. Her life had been going well, but she had been kind of lonely, with barely anyone to talk to. There was her mother on the phone, but that didn't really count. Erin was glad that someone else had made the first move. It would be nice to have someone else to talk to for a change. The only other person she really had was her mother, and she didn't always give the best advice. 

****

"I can't stand it anymore!" wailed Erin into the phone. "He's such a...a...jerk!"

"There, there," said Rita soothingly from the other end. "What did he do this time?"

"He's so lazy! And he hits on every woman in sight! And he says all these really mean things! And I think he's cheating on me! And...and..." Erin tailed off, and wiped her face. "Loads of things."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry," said Rita sympathetically. "What are you going to do?"

Erin stared at the phone blankly. "I was kind of hoping you could tell me what to do."

"Oh." There was a long silence. "Well, what do you want to do?"

"Get out and never come back," said Erin bitterly. 

"Oh Erin, you don't really mean that, do you?"

"Yes!" wailed Erin again. "I'm sick of him, I really am. If I could just run off right now, I'd do it."

"But what about the house? Grandma would be really upset if you just left it. She did go to a lot of trouble to get it for you two."

"I..." Erin frowned. "It's just a house."

"Erin, dear, that isn't very nice," said Rita admonishingly. 

"Sorry," said Erin sullenly, really not sounding like she meant it. "You think I should just stay?"

"I didn't say that," said Rita. "I...don't know. I guess it's up to you."

"But I called you for advice!" said Erin, her voice cracking up again. "This is terrible."

"Is he home right now?"

"No. He went out with his friends." Erin's eyes narrowed. "I bet he's out there hitting on women right now. Or doing more with them."

"Don't you trust him?"

"No!" Erin yelled the last part, then realized what she'd done and calmed down. "I mean, no," she said a little quieter. "He's not doing much to keep it, that's for sure."

"Hold on," said Rita suddenly. There was a noise on the other end, and Erin heard the phone being put down. After a few moments, Rita came back on the line. "Erin, dear, my date's here for tonight. Were we done?"

"I suppose," said Erin reluctantly. 

"It'll all work out," said Rita confidently and she hung up, leaving Erin on the other end. 

Erin set down the phone and sighed deeply. She held her head in her hands, lost and confused. What was she going to do?

She reached a decision. Whatever she was going to do, it had to be soon and she was going to have to do it by herself. 

****

Erin took a glance at herself in the mirror. She looked great, even if she did say so. Her long red hair was pulled back into a ponytail, exposing her face. She was wearing a short red dress, which complemented her hair perfectly. Grabbing her jacket, she slipped it on and took another glance at herself in the mirror. Not too overdressed, she thought. 

The past few weeks had been oddly quiet for Erin. The feeling of being out on her own for the first time had been liberating. It was a feeling unlike any other she'd ever experienced. After a bit of initial trepidation, her job was progressing quite nicely. It turned out not to be so difficult, and Erin felt she was excelling. 

Her mother was glad that she was doing well, although she still wanted her to come home. Erin was missing her too, to be quite honest. Brian had been rabidly looking for her, by all accounts, and her mother was starting to weaken. Erin was dreading that. She knew she should call him herself and talk to him, but she just couldn't. Not yet. 

She had also been feeling ill quite often. She didn't understand that part - probably just food poisoning. Or stress. That had to be it. She had every reason to be stressed, what with the new job and everything. Then there was always the fact that she was probably going to have to get divorced. She knew that her grandmother was frantically trying to figure out the best way to do it. 

That was all her fault too. Erin sighed, and tried to brighten herself up. No point in bringing herself down tonight. Tonight she was going to have fun, and try not to stress herself out again. 

Primping herself one more time, she headed out the door. 

****

The Blue Room was a short enough distance from her house that she could walk. It was a pleasant night, and she enjoyed it. After a short distance, she reached the Blue Room. It was a credible recreation of a nineteen-thirties jazz club, apparently. She didn't have much of a clue about that sort of thing, but it did look to be a nice place. Erin opened the door, and went inside, searching around for any signs of the others. 

"Over here!" Erin glanced over to see them sitting over in a booth at the side. It was Melissa, plus two of the other girls from work - she didn't remember their names at the moment. 

Erin walked over and sat down. "Hi," she said shyly. 

"Hey," said Melissa, smiling. "You know the others? This is Caroline" - she pointed to an attractive brunette, "and this is Anne" - she pointed to a small blonde girl. 

"Hi," said Erin. The other two said their hellos. Erin looked over at Melissa. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Hey, no problem," said Melissa. "Figured it was about time."

Caroline leaned forward. "Plus we all kind of wanted to know your story. You're so...quiet. It's not normal."

"I didn't know you even knew the meaning of quiet," said Melissa sardonically. 

"Funny," said Caroline, shooting her a look. "So, come on Erin. What's the lowdown?"

Erin wondered how much to tell them. She figured it wouldn't be prudent to give the whole scoop on Brian right away. "Well, I just moved here," she began. "And to be quite honest, I went for the first job I could find...which was this."

"That's a familiar story," said Melissa. "You know how you get into a job that you figure's going to be temporary, then you end up there for a year?"

"Not really," said Erin sheepishly. 

"Moved here?" said Caroline. "Let me see...your accent sounds...well, there's a slight southern twang in there. Am I right?"

Erin smiled. "Sort of." She told them where she was from. 

Anne frowned. "That's quite a way," she said quietly. "How'd you end up here?"

"Hey, she talks," said Caroline. She turned to Erin. "You ought to be privileged. Anne is a person who picks her words very carefully. Never uses ten where one will do."

Anne smiled. 

"Hey, you talk enough for two," said Melissa. "Someone has to pick up the slack. Or let it go...I didn't think that metaphor through very carefully."

"That's okay," said Erin, in an amused tone. "I...well, I'm getting divorced." That was mostly true. "And I decided to get as far away from my old life as possible." That was mostly true as well. 

"Oh," said Melissa. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay," said Erin. She smiled again. "I didn't mean to dampen the mood."

"Trust me, honey," said Caroline. "I've been there. You could only depress me if my own ex turned up."

"Which one?" said Anne quietly.

Thankfully, the topic seemed to be dropped after that, much to Erin's relief. They ordered drinks, and settled back to listen to the music. 

"Damn," said Caroline suddenly. "Look at that." 

It was a group of guys who had just entered the bar. They looked like athletes. Caroline and Anne were entranced. Melissa snorted. "Not really my type."

"Well, of course they aren't," said Caroline. "How about you, Erin? You could go for some of that, couldn't you?"

They _were _hot, Erin had to admit. But she wasn't in the mood to try and pick up guys. The fact that she was still technically married to Brian also put a damper on that. "Not really my type either," she said quietly. 

"Oh?" said Melissa, looking over at her. 

"Yeah," she said, meeting Melissa's eyes a little sheepishly. She really didn't think she was ready to do that sort of thing yet. She looked away and took a gulp of her drink. 

****

The evening progressed fairly well. Erin had a lot of fun with the girls. They were a blast to be with, she had to admit. She couldn't remember the last time she had had this good of a time with anyone. Probably before she was married. 

It was closing time, and they were filing out. Erin felt she may have had a little too much to drink, and she wasn't feeling too hot. "Thanks for a great night," she said. "I had fun."

"Hey, no problem," said Caroline. "Turns out you're fairly gregarious once we get you loosened up."

"Not quite so much you," pointed out Anne. 

"Hey, who is?" Melissa grinned, and ignored the pointed gesture from Caroline. She glanced over to Erin, who was wincing a little. "Erin, you okay?"

"I'm not feeling so hot," muttered Erin. "Think I might have drunk too much."

"I'll walk you home if you like," offered Melissa. 

"Of course you will," said Caroline with a smile. Melissa ignored her.

"I'd like that," said Erin gratefully. Her stomach was starting to churn. She and Melissa said their goodbyes to the others, and started on their way back to her apartment.

Erin was feeling kind of nauseated. She was sure she'd had a little too much to drink. It probably hadn't been a good idea, given how rough she'd been feeling occasionally over the past few weeks, but she'd been having such a good time, and hadn't been thinking. 

They reached her apartment building in a few minutes. "Pretty nice place," said Melissa.

"Thanks," said Erin. "You want to come inside? I can show you around." It was the only polite thing to do. 

"Sure," said Melissa, an odd smile playing on her lips. Erin went upstairs, Melissa following her. Her stomach was churning now. Erin felt she probably shouldn't have invited Melissa up, but it would have been rude other wise. She'd feel better once she got some coffee inside her. 

They reached her apartment, and went inside. Erin immediately went to the kitchen to get some coffee ready. "Nice place," said Melissa, taking a look around. 

"Thanks," called Erin from the kitchen. She poured two cups, and walked back out. "I didn't know how you liked it..."

"This is fine," said Melissa, taking the cup with a smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," said Erin. She realized that Melissa was looking at her kind of weirdly. "Are you okay?" she asked. 

"Fine." Melissa smiled again, and set down her cup. She walked over to Erin slowly, and took Erin's cup away from her as well. 

"What are you..." Erin began. 

"Shh." Melissa reached up, and took Erin's face in her hands. She gently pulled Erin towards herself, and pressed her lips to Erin's. 

Erin couldn't help but just stand there in shock. Melissa was kissing her. Why was she doing that? As she was trying to analyze exactly what was happening, Melissa drew back from the kiss, and looked Erin in the eyes. She smiled again, her mouth opening to say something. 

Before anything else could happen, though, Erin's stomach gave a final heave, and she blacked out.

****

A flash of light through the window hit Erin's face, waking her up instantly. The bright light bored into her head, causing her to wince in pain. For some reason, her head was killing her. 

Erin sat up in bed. This seemed oddly familiar to her. It took her a couple of minutes before she realized where she was. She was in her bed, in her apartment, wearing the same red dress as she had been last night. 

Last night. It was all coming back to her now. She'd come back to the apartment with Melissa, and then...Melissa had kissed her for some reason, and then she'd passed out. 

Erin got out of bed. Her head was killing her, and her stomach wasn't feeling too hot either. She pulled the dress off, and found a t-shirt and a pair of shorts to slip on. 

As she was doing that, she felt her stomach heave, and she ran to the bathroom, throwing up in the toilet as soon as she got there. After she had finished, she knelt in front of the stall for a few moments, hoping that was the last of it. This wasn't normal for her. 

It was probably just stress. It had to be. 

Erin got up from the floor, and wiped her mouth. She freshened herself up a bit, and walked out to the living room. She was hungry - it was time for breakfast. 

When she got there, she stopped short. Melissa was lying on the couch, wrapped in one of her blankets, fast asleep. Erin froze. She wondered if she should leave for a while and let Melissa wake up by herself. Then she'd have to go home, and she and Erin wouldn't have to talk about the night before - which Erin was a little embarrassed and confused about. 

The decision was taken out of her hands, however, when Melissa stirred and opened her eyes. She spotted Erin, and hunched herself up on her shoulders. "Hey," she said sleepily. 

"Morning," said Erin awkwardly. 

Melissa got up off the couch. She was also still wearing the same clothes she had had on the night before. "You feeling better?" she asked. "You had me worried last night."

Erin nodded quickly. "I'm fine. I just...had a little too much to drink, probably."

"I guess so. You just blacked out on me. I know I'm not _that _bad of a kisser."

"Um." Erin looked around nervously. "Yeah. Er. You...kissed me."

"Yeah?" Melissa looked up.

"I wanted to talk to you about that," said Erin nervously. She scratched the back of her head absent-mindedly. This was kind of weird. "The thing is..." She tailed off again. "I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but..." She paused. "I don't quite know how to say this."

Melissa stared at her for a moment, then rubbed her forehead. "Damn. You're not gay, are you?"

"Ah. No." Erin shuffled a little on her feet. "I really didn't mean to pass out, and the kiss was kind of...nice, but...it wasn't really me, I don't think."

"I'm sorry," said Melissa uncomfortably. "I didn't mean to make you feel all kind of weird." She couldn't meet Erin's gaze. "I really thought you were hitting on me."

"Me?" Erin was flabbergasted. "What made you think that?"

"Little things you said, and little things you did. And inviting me up like that. I thought you were moving kind of fast, but I went with it, and..." Melissa rubbed her head again. "Hell. I never do this. This is really awkward."

"I..." Erin tailed off again. "Sorry for making you feel that way. I was just trying to be polite, and I guess I wasn't really thinking because I was drunk, and hell, I should never drink because that always gets me in trouble, and..." She paused, and glanced at Melissa again, meeting her eyes. "I'm rambling."

"You are."

Erin thought for something to break the tension. "How about breakfast?" she asked cheerfully. 

****

An hour later, the two women were sitting at the kitchen table, the remains of breakfast laying around them. Melissa picked up another bit of toast and started to butter it. "Sorry again about the misunderstanding."

"That's okay," said Erin. She didn't feel quite as awkward as she had a short while ago. "It was probably my fault."

"I was sure I was getting a vibe from you. Guess I can't be right all the time." Melissa smiled a little sheepishly. "Red heads, huh? Sorry."

"Don't be," said Erin. She paused to reflect a moment. "I guess...it was kind of nice. But I don't think it's really me. Um. Sorry." She smiled a little. "I would like it if we could still be friends, though. I did like hanging out with you guys last night, and I haven't really met anyone since I came into town, and you've been so nice and everything..." She paused. "I don't really have many friends," she added sadly. "I'd like it if you and I could do that."

"I'd like that too," said Melissa with a smile. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot," said Erin. 

"You were kind of vague last night about everything. I don't know if it's because you didn't want to talk about it, or you felt uncomfortable or anything...but you seemed really agitated when the subject came up."

Erin glanced down at the table. "Kind of," she said quietly. 

"I'm sorry," Melissa said quickly. "I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay," interrupted Erin. "It would be nice to have someone else to talk to about it. Apart from my mother, that is." She sighed. "I was telling the truth about the whole getting a divorce thing. It's a little more complicated than all that, though." She glanced up. "Got a spare hour or two?"

"It's Saturday and I'm single. That means yes."

Erin smiled, and began explaining the story of she and Brian's relationship, stretching from when they first met, up until right after they were married. It felt good to talk to someone else about all of it. Everyone else in her family already knew the whole story - rather more than they probably should, in fact - and she hadn't had much of a chance to talk about it, to get her feelings out in the open. 

When she had finished, Melissa sat back in her chair, and let out a breath. "Wow," she said. "That's some story."

"I know," said Erin sadly. 

"This Brian sounds like a real ass." Melissa caught herself. "I'm sorry. He is...I mean, he was your husband."

Erin didn't correct her. "It's okay. It's nothing I haven't thought some...most of the time."  
"You married him just because he gave you herpes?"

"It wasn't _just _because of that," protested Erin. "I thought I was in love. You know how it is. I...wasn't thinking very clearly at that point."

"We've all been there. And clearly, since we're both currently single, it ended up the same way."

Erin sighed ruefully. "I was only around twenty when he asked me. I was in the middle of a major funk, and.." She tailed off. "I didn't think anyone else would ever _want _me," she finished sadly. 

"You what?" Melissa leaned over the table. "Are you crazy? That's the only reason you married him?"

Erin nodded sadly. She glanced down at the table. "I mean, you should have seen it back then. I don't think anyone would have wanted that." 

"Erin," began Melissa. She leaned back in her chair and sighed. "Erin, from what I've seen, you're a great person."

"I can be a little childish sometimes," admitted Erin, "and bitchy." 

"Can't we all?" Melissa smiled again. "But look at you - you're a beautiful girl. You're fun to be with. You have that amazing red hair...hell, I was attracted to you, wasn't I? There's a lot of people who would still want you. Trust me on this. Herpes isn't such a big deal, you know. There's a ton of people that have it."

"Well..." Erin had to admit, she hadn't had an outbreak in over a year, and the ones she had gotten had not been that severe. "Maybe."

"Definitely." Melissa shook her head. "Someone has some self-esteem issues."

Erin looked at her. "I don't." She thought about it for a minute. The idea did make quite a bit of sense, actually. "Maybe."

"I think you did the right thing in ditching that guy. You know, now you can find a person who really appreciates you."

Erin smiled without thinking about it. "Are you always this forthright?"

"Oh yeah. We all have our flaws." Melissa pointed out her smile. "And that smile - Erin, you are adorable. Trust me on this one."

"Thank you," said Erin sincerely. 

"So tell me," continued Melissa. "You got married, and the marriage was a bit of a disaster. Then what?"

"You remember how I said he had this great job? That my family thought was another perk for me to marry him?" Erin sighed. "Well, he lost it. Right after we married."

"What did he do."

"He was in the CIA," said Erin quietly. 

Melissa stared at her for a second, then laughed out loud. "You're shitting me."

"I'm being serious," protested Erin. "He was. Trust me - he used it as a pick-up line."

"And you fell for it?" Melissa noticed the look on Erin's face. "Er. Sorry," she said sheepishly. "Go on."

Erin frowned at her. "Anyway, he was. But here's the funny think about the CIA. They don't really like their employees telling people that that's who they work for. Especially when it turns out to be every woman they meet in an attempt to get them into bed."

"Ah." 

"So he lost his job, and that was one thing. I didn't want to support his ass all the time." Erin paused. "There were other things, though. He hit on every woman he could when he thought I wasn't there. I'm sure he was cheating on me. I could never prove it, even though I had him followed..."

"You had him followed?" said Melissa in disbelief.

Erin blushed. "It wasn't my finest hour."

"No, I was just thinking that you had him followed, and he never noticed. Some CIA agent." 

"Yeah." Erin couldn't help but giggle at that. 

"So what happened next?"

Erin sighed and started to tell the story. 

****

Erin stood in the living room in front of Brian. He was sitting on the couch, trying to see past her to see what was on TV. "Brian," she said nervously. "We need to talk."

"Can't we talk later?" he whined. "The game is on."

"No." Erin took a deep breath. She'd been steeling herself for this for weeks, trying to build up her courage. She was definitely going to go through with it this time. "Brian." She took a deep breath. "I'm leaving."

"See you later," said Brian, still trying to stare past her. 

"No, no." Erin frowned. That was so like him. "No, I mean - I'm leaving _you. _For ever."

"You've said that before," said Brian, the nonchalant tone not leaving his voice. It was starting to really annoy Erin. That was good - anger would help her. 

"I really mean it this time," said Erin firmly. "I'm leaving. I even have my stuff packed. I'm going, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"But..." Brian started to say. "You've done this before, Erin, remember? You've packed and threatened, but you've never gone."

Erin held a hand up. "I don't care. We've been married almost two years now, and I've been supporting us for almost all of it! I'm sick of it! And you're such a...a...dick sometimes. No - all the time. I can't live like this anymore, Brian. I'm going."

"Then go," said Brian. "You'll be back."

Erin couldn't believe this. Didn't he care about her at all? Wasn't he even going to miss her? This bothered her, and she said so. 

"I do care," said Brian. He lay back on the couch. "I just know that you'll be back. You'll miss me too much, or your family will persuade you to come back."

"Brian, I'm not going to miss you. You treat me like I'm your little fuckbunny, cook and maid! Why the hell would I miss that? Plus, why would my family persuade me to come back if they know I'm miserable?"

Brian just looked at her for a few moments and then smiled. "That pre-nuptial agreement you signed might have something to do with it."

Erin went pale. She'd forgotten all about that. Brian had asked her to sign one way back before they had married. Right after their engagement, in fact. It was a simple one, just stating that in the event of their divorce, their holdings would be split fifty-fifty.

Except, at the moment, Brian didn't _have _anything. It all belonged...

To her. Everything they had, all the money they had, it all belonged to her. If they divorced, Brian would automatically get half of everything. 

Erin was shell-shocked. She'd completely forgotten about that. Overcome with emotion, she sat down on the closest chair she could find and put her head in her hands. How could she have been so stupid?

"I...." she started to say, but tailed off half-way through. Brian didn't say anything. He just kept watching the TV. Erin couldn't believe this was happening. She vaguely remembered signing the document in question just before they got married. She'd been a little tipsy, from what she could remember, and Brian had asked her to do it. 

Erin had been slightly reticent, but thanks to the alcohol, she had been in a very romantic mood and had agreed. After all, she had thought, she could trust Brian. He had said that it was just a trust thing. He needed to know if she trusted him, if she was so sure of their relationship that she would do that. 

Of course, Erin had agreed, and done so. Now, as she sat on the couch, it all seemed so stupid. Plus, she had no-one to blame but herself. She should have known. 

Erin glanced over to see Brian sitting on the couch. He looked over as he realized she was staring at him. "What?" he said. 

"How could you?" she said, her voice choked with emotion. "How could you do that to me?"

"_I _didn't do anything," pointed out Brian. "_You _signed it, didn't you?"

"I was drunk! I didn't under..." Erin tailed off again. She was just as much to blame as he was. "Why would you do something like that? Back then, your job was going places. We would have been about equal anyway if we'd split up." Something suddenly occurred to her. "You wouldn't have done it unless you had something to gain from it, would you?"

"I care about you. I just needed to know that you trusted me."

"Bullshit!" yelled Erin, louder than she had intended. "If you were so concerned about me, you would have done something to support me after you'd lost your job! You wouldn't be hitting on every girl in sight! You wouldn't be using me as your personal slave, Brian! You..." She tailed off. 

There would have been something it for him, she thought. That had to have been his reason. But...

"You knew," she said quietly, almost to herself. "You knew," she said louder, "that you were going to lose your job. Before we married, I mean. You knew."

"How could I know?" said Brian in a dull voice. "You're being paranoid."

"Maybe you didn't know for sure. But you suspected, didn't you?" Erin stood up again. "You had to have. I mean, that just came out of the blue. You knew you would lose everything, and you had to make sure that you'd get your half of my things." She closed her eyes. "I can't believe anyone would do that."

Brian stood up too. "Erin, honey, you're being unreasonable. Surely you have to see that you're acting really weirdly. Why don't you sit back down. I'll get you a drink..."

"You get _me_ a drink?" said Erin in disbelief. "That's a first." She steeled herself. "No. I'm not sitting down. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't lie to me, and use me, and try to trick me. Can you do that, Brian?"

Brian looked her in the eyes. "Sit down, Erin. You're not making any sense."

He was lying. Erin couldn't believe it. She took one last look at him, and ran, not bothering to pick up her bags. All she wanted was to get out of the house, and away from him. 

She heard him calling out her name, but she didn't stop. 

****

Melissa sat back in her chair and exhaled loudly. "Wow. What an asshole."

Erin wiped her eyes angrily. "Tell me about it," she muttered. "After that, I just ran away. I couldn't take it anymore."

"He made you sign a pre-nuptial agreement, guaranteeing him half of everything you ever owned?"

Erin nodded. "And I signed it," she wailed, before calming down again. "Sorry."

"Hey, I can understand why you're upset." Melissa caught herself. "Sorry. I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"That's okay," said Erin sadly. "It was a dumb thing to do."

"I didn't know you had that much for him to gain from a pre-nup. I mean, you wouldn't be selling insurance if you were rich, that's for sure."

Erin paused a second. She didn't want Melissa to know about her trust fund. After all, as she had thought to herself on many occasions, she was trying to do this by herself. She hadn't even touched it in weeks. "It's not me," she said cautiously. "It's...my family. They own quite a bit...and he wanted to be in on it."

"Sure you don't want to get together?" asked Melissa jokingly. 

"Well..." Erin thought for a second. "I'm kind of the black sheep these days." She didn't think she sounded very convincing, but Melissa didn't press the matter, perhaps sensing how uncomfortable Erin was about all this. 

"What happened next?" asked Melissa. "If you don't mind me asking?"

"I..." Erin sighed and looked down at the table. "Can we talk about it later?" she said in a small voice. "This is bringing back all sorts of memories and...." She tailed off. 

"No problem," said Melissa brightly. She wiped her mouth with a napkin and set her place to the side. "So what are we going to do today?"

"We?" said Erin. 

"Sure, we." Melissa shrugged. "It's a Saturday. We're both off work. You're miserable - I'm embarrassed. We need some activities, don't you think?"

Erin smiled. "I suppose. You don't feel...awkward..?" She waved her hands in what she hoped was a descriptive manner. 

"About last night? At least, that's what I hope that waving around means." She shook her head. "No. Look, we both did some kind of embarrassing things, so let's just forget about it and be friends. That way, we can never mention it ever again." She grinned. 

"It's a deal," said Erin happily. "So, what did you have in mind?"

****

"Oh my God," said Erin happily. She rushed over to the clothes rack, and picked up the sweater. "This is gorgeous!" She draped it in front of her. "Wouldn't this look great on me?"

"I think so." Melissa leaned on one of the nearby railings. "What did I tell you? Shopping. It's the best therapy known to mankind."

"And one of the most expensive," said Erin, taking a glance at the price tag. 

"Hey, at least with this you get some clothes out of it."

Erin replaced the sweater on the rack. "I shouldn't. I can't really afford it." That was a half-truth, but she'd already bought a vast array of new clothes, and she really ought not to buy any more. 

Melissa sighed. "I know what you mean. Hey, window shopping's fun too."

"Thank for spending today with me."

"You needed cheering up. Besides, I still feel bad about embarrassing us both."

"Me too," said Erin, with a guilty smile. "But thanks for cheering me up."

"I much prefer you this way. You know, for the first few weeks I knew you, you always seemed to withdrawn and nervous. It's only in the past two days I've seen you be yourself."

"I used to be a lot happier all the time," said Erin sadly. "I haven't been myself in years, really."

"I can imagine," said Melissa. She paused. "Well, no, I don't suppose I can - unless I'm planning to move to Vermont or Hawaii in the near future."

"You're not, are you?" said Erin quickly. 

Melissa shot her a look. "No, I was just joking. Jumpy, aren't you?"

Erin shrugged. "I never was very good at getting jokes. Sorry - you're just the first real friend I've had in a while, and I'd hate to lose that."

"Erin, trust me. I'm not going anywhere," said Melissa dryly. "Least, that's what my mother always said."

"Huh?" Erin got it and smiled. "Oh, I see." She looked around, and realized she was hungry. "Hey, want some lunch? My treat."

"That would be great, but I can't let you..."

"My treat," said Erin. "You've been really nice to me, and I should pay you back in a way."

Melissa shrugged. "That case, let's go get lobsters."

"Here?"

"Or we could grab a burger."

"That sounds better." Erin smiled, and they walked out of the store. They were in Westport, a district filled with some really nice restaurants and trendy stores. Erin loved it, and it wasn't too far from her apartment. A few minutes later, they were in a small deli. Melissa had gotten a sub and fries, and Erin was tucking into a salad. She was feeling a little sick, so she was taking it easy with the food. 

"You asked me earlier," said Erin suddenly, "what happened after I stormed out on Brian."

"Yeah?" Melissa looked up from her food. "I was curious, but you know, I understand you might not want to talk about it. It's cool."

"No, no, I think you should know." Erin's face fell. "It does hurt, but it's good in a way to talk about it. I haven't done that a lot except to my mother and she isn't always that great of a listener." She shrugged a little. "I'm rambling."

"No, go on. Please."

Erin took another deep breath and continued the story.

****

"You did what?" yelled Rita, her voice cracking as she did so. Her eyes were wide with shock and she barely seemed in control of her own emotions. 

Erin slumped back in her chair. She had never seen her mother this angry before at anything. "I'm sorry," she said dully. 

"You're sorry?" Rita glared at her. "You're sorry." She shook her head and walked into the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge. She pulled out a bottle of wine and immediately poured herself a drink. 

"I don't know what I was thinking," said Erin nervously. "I...wasn't thinking straight, I guess." She tried to think of a positive side to this. "He doesn't have access to it at the moment, though. I moved it to where he couldn't get it. That's something, isn't it?"

"I suppose" Rita took a large gulp of wine. "How the hell are we going to get out of this?"

"I don't know," said Erin sadly. "I'm sorry..."

"Stop saying that!" snapped Rita, then caught herself. "Sorry." She took another gulp of wine. "This is awful. Can you imagine your grandmother's response to this? I suppose I'll have to be the one to tell her, won't I? She'll tear your poor little head off if you talk to her."

"I'll tell her," said Erin quietly. She knew her mother was right, but she still felt responsibility for this. It was, after all, her fault.

Rita stared at her for a few moments, then took another gulp of wine, polishing off the glass. She poured herself another one right away. "And Helen and Amy - they'll find out. I'll never live this one down when we get together next. God, they both already think we're idiots. I can't imagine what she'll think now. And Amy! God, I swear she lives only to make cutting remarks about the rest of her family. This will just be more fodder for her."

"I said I was sorry," said Erin quietly. She'd cried her eyes out almost continuously ever since leaving Brian, and she was sure she had none left. "What do you want me to do?"

"You've done quite enough already," muttered Rita over her wine. "That fund was from your late father, you know. He always wanted to make sure that you...that we were well taken care of."

"I know." Erin slumped down some more in her chair. She'd thought that it wasn't possible for her to feel any more guilty, but apparently it was. 

"Instead," said Rita, who was bordering on the hysterical by now, "you sign it away to some two-bit loser who you married in a hurry. God! I'm sure he'd be really proud of you."

Erin's eyes flashed with anger. She stood and looked her mother in the eye. "That isn't fair," she said, her teeth gritted. "Besides, it's not like your taste in men has been any better since he passed away, has it?"

Rita set down her glass. "Erin, that isn't fair. It's not my fault that I haven't been able to find anyone quite as suited for me as he was."

"Well, do you think he'd like it that you're spending your side of the inheritance courting every single loser in the state? You know, if you're wondering where I got such bad taste in men from, I'd take a look at yourself."

Rita glared at her for a moment, her face a conflicting mix of emotions. "Erin," she said at last, her voice cracking as she said it. "I loved your father. It still hurts, you know, that he's gone. Maybe I can't fill that spot, but..." Her voice faded away. 

Erin looked at her, but Rita didn't meet her gaze. Erin tried to speak, but nothing came out. She could feel herself crying, and the atmosphere in the room was far too tense for her current mood. 

She started to walk out of the room as quickly as she could Rita noticed, and called out after her. "Erin? Where are you going?"

"To Grandma's," said Erin. She hadn't planned it, but now that she thought about it, she didn't have anywhere else to go. 

"Why?" Rita wiped her face quickly, and tried to get in front of Erin. "Erin, stop."

"No," said Erin, her voice cracking. "I can't talk to you about it or we'll argue, and I said some really nasty things to you, and I'm sorry, and I..." She glanced away from Rita, keeping her face down. "I just can't face you right now."

They reached the garage, and Erin got in her car, ignoring the protests from Rita. She started the engine, and got ready to drive away. As she was doing that, she rolled down the window. "I'm sorry for what I said about you and Daddy," she said quietly. 

"Erin, we were both upset," said Rita. "Come back inside, sweetie. Please?"

"I'm sorry," said Erin quietly and drove out of the garage. 

****

When she had finished, Erin leaned back in her chair in the deli, wiping the tears away from her face. Melissa glanced around awkwardly, looking as if she didn't really know what to say. "Wow," she said finally. 

"I know," said Erin quietly. "Bet you didn't know I could be such a bitch, did you?"

"Erin..." Melissa set her jaw and paused for a second. "Look, you said some pretty nasty stuff, I'll give you that."

"I know."

"But I don't know your parents, or any of your story past what you've told me, so I'm not the best person to offer an opinion on this." Melissa drummed her fingers on the table. "Look, parents and children say some pretty mean shit to each other sometimes. Me and my parents have shared some words in the past."

"What did you say to each other?"

Melissa's voice hardened. "They said I'd either have to stop being gay or they'd never talk to me again. We haven't talked since."

"Oh," said Erin. "Sorry. Guess mine isn't so bad."

"Yours is more fixable, I think. You two did get it worked out, didn't you?"

"Not really," muttered Erin. "I mean, we kind of fixed up, but it hasn't been the same. It's been more...distant." Erin hadn't been back home since that day, in fact. That weighed heavily on her mind most of the time, but she didn't really know how to fix it, unless...

"You'll work it out," said Melissa, putting a reassuring hand on Erin's shoulder. 

Erin squeezed it gratefully. Something occurred to her, and she looked up into Melissa's eyes. "Do you mind if we cut this short today?"

Melissa blinked in surprise. "I'm sorry," she said nervously. "Did I say something to upset you, or...?"

"No, no," reassured Erin. "It's just...well, thank you."

"For what?"

"Listening to me." Erin smiled. "Do you know how long it's been since anyone has done that for me, except my Mom?"

"Well..." Melissa shrugged. "You're welcome."

"I need to take care of a few things," said Erin. "Important things. Look, you're right, I can fix this. I just need to start doing a couple of things for myself."

"Okay." Melissa still seemed a little confused. "Go for it."

"I'll call you," said Erin, grabbing her jacket. "Thank you again. I mean it."

"Good luck," said Melissa, bewildered. 

Erin smiled, and made a beeline out of the deli. She was getting better at making decisions, it seemed. However, most of her recent decisions had been pretty spur-of-the-moment. All she needed to do now was work on making long-term decisions that she could actually stick to. 

She was going to start that right now.

****

"Thank you for seeing me on such short notice," said Erin, shifting nervously in her chair. 

The lawyer looked up from his desk and smiled. "It isn't a problem, I assure you. Unless you can't pay my fee, of course." He laughed a little to himself. 

Erin laughed herself, more nervously. "Of course. So...you specialize in divorces?"

"Yes. I'm guessing you want one?"

"More than you know," muttered Erin. She looked and smiled. "I'm sorry," she said, suddenly yawning. She was tired, for some reason. 

"First of all, why don't you give me a little background on your situation?"

Erin nodded, and took a deep breath before launching into a abbreviated retelling of the whole relationship with Brian. 

When she had finished, the lawyer leaned back in his chair and took off his glasses. He rubbed his forehead. "Can I say something?" Erin nodded. "You need a divorce."

"I'm glad someone thinks so," said Erin dryly. 

The lawyer rubbed his eyes. "First of all - this pre-nuptial agreement. I don't think that's going to be a problem."

"You don't?" said Erin, overjoyed at the news. 

"First of all - you didn't have any sort of legal representation on that. You weren't prepared, you weren't represented. You were flying blind, so to speak. Second - you were drunk, correct?"

"A little," said Erin in an embarrassed tone. 

"A little or a lot?" The lawyer sighed. "I do need you to be honest if you want to do this."

"I was drunk off my ass," said Erin quietly. 

"That's good. Well, not for you, but for the case. You weren't fully competent when you signed it. That's strike two. Three - you were under duress."

"Well..."

"You already told me he said he wouldn't marry you unless you signed, right?"

"Right."

"And you felt as if he was the only one that would want you due to your...condition, right?"

Erin nodded, not looking into the lawyer's eyes. She still felt a little bit that way, despite her best efforts. It was still difficult to talk about it.

"That's three fairly major problems with this pre-nuptial agree," continued the lawyer. "I don't think we'd have any troubles shooting it down."

"That's wonderful!" Erin looked up, the joy apparent on her face.

"Didn't the first lawyer you went to about this tell you anything about this?"

"No." Seeing the look on his face, Erin continued. "It was my aunt. She's not really a divorce lawyer."

"Then why did you hire her?"

"My mother did," said Erin sheepishly. "I wasn't really thinking clearly at the time. Then I kind of got back together with him, and then they dropped it. Really, Aunt Helen barely had any time to look over it."

"Don't hire family members. That's a bit of free legal advice there." The lawyer smiled. "Anyway, the rest is fairly simple. In this state, you have to live here for ninety days before you can file for divorce. You've almost got that."

"There won't be any problems, will there?" said Erin nervously. Her stomach was churning again. She was starting to think that it was happening far too often to be a coincidence, but she had other things to worry about. 

"The judge could always rule that you need counseling. On the other hand, I've only been talking to you for half an hour, and I can tell that that won't help, so I wouldn't worry. He might say that you need to be separated for a year before you can divorce, but I don't think that would be a problem." He continued talking about the divorce to Erin, she growing more and more relieved as she heard each new item. 

****

Erin sat at home, staring at the phone. She had just gotten back from the lawyer's office, and was feeling pretty good about things. Well, she was still feeling sick, but that was besides the point. She'd already vomited once into the toilet, but that was probably from nerves, given what she had to do now. 

The talk with the lawyer had galvanized her. Now she knew what she had to do to get this over once and for all. First, though, she had to do something she really didn't want to do. But if she didn't, she'd never be able to go through with this. 

Taking a deep breath, she picked up the phone and dialed the number. After a few rings, someone picked up and an familiar voice came onto the phone. "Hello?"

Erin's stomach jumped again, and she waned to throw up. However, she took another deep breath. "Hello, Brian."

"Erin? My God, is that you? Where are you? I've been worried sick!"

"This isn't a social call, Brian," said Erin firmly. "I'm calling to tell you that it's over."

"Erin," said Brian in a silky tone. "We've been through this before. Just tell me where you are - you're not thinking straight. Just let me come find you and we can work it out. Look, you aren't going to..."

"No," said Erin sharply. "This is it, Brian. I mean it. I'm not putting up with your shit any longer, okay? I should have put my foot down a long time ago, and I'm doing it now. My lawyer will be in touch soon, then we can finish this once and for al. Until then, don't try to find me."

Brian's tone lost a little of its friendly nature. "Erin, you aren't thinking straight. You know that you can't do that. Just think about..."

"I can get out of it," said Erin with some venom. "You didn't think this one through, did you? It'll never hold up in court, apparently. You didn't really think that getting me drunk to do it was a good idea?"

Brian didn't say anything, but Erin swore she could hear him fuming on the other end. "One more thing," she added. "Mis...this state has something called..." She fumbled for her notes. "'Equitable distribution.' That means that 'each spouse retains his or her separate property obtained prior to the marriage, including any gifts or inheritances. In addition, any property exchanged for separate property or interest obtained from holding separate property remains as separate. Commingled property does not become marital solely by virtue of the act of commingling.' You got that, didn't you?"

Brian remained silent. 

"That means you only get what you had before we got married," said Erin. She hadn't understood it at first, but the lawyer had explained it to her.

"Erin..." Brian's tone went smooth again. "Clearly we've both made some mistakes here. I can change, you know. We could work this out."

"No," said Erin firmly. "We're done, Brian. If you really wanted to change, you should have done it a long time ago. I know I wasn't exactly perfect myself, but you..." She took a deep breath. "Goodbye, Brian. I'll see you in court."

Over Brian's objections, Erin slammed the phone down. That had been easier than she had anticipated. Just as she was thinking that, her stomach heaved again, and she rushed to the bathroom, only just reaching the toilet before puking her guts up. 

It was stress, she thought to herself weakly. It had to be. 

**** 

The next day, after she had rested for a while, Erin decided to call her mother. They hadn't talked for a little while, and she was missing her a great deal. She knew they had not been close for a while now, and she wanted to mend things between them. 

Erin and her mother, until their recent spat, had always been close. They had not always agreed or even gotten along, but there had always been a bond between them. It still bothered her that things were rocky. It bothered her even more that it was mainly her fault.

After a few rings, Rita picked up. "Hello?"

"It's me, Mother," said Erin awkwardly. 

"Erin!" The delight in Rita's voice was evident. "I haven't heard from you in weeks! How are you?"

"I'm okay," said Erin. "I...uh...I have good news."

"Oh?" 

Erin quickly filled in the details about her visit to the lawyer and her conversation with Brian. She left out the part about her recent bouts of sickness, though. She still felt weird about that.

"Well," said Rita, when Erin had finished, "you have been busy."

"Tell me about it," said Erin. "I just...I thought maybe I should take on some of my own problems."

"Oh." Rita paused. "You know, I didn't think it would be quite that easy."

"Maybe if you hadn't insisted on hiring Aunt Helen..." Erin realized what she was doing and stopped herself. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to..."

"No, you're right," said Rita. She sounded as awkward as Erin felt. "That was more your grandmother's idea, though."

"I know," said Erin. She paused herself then, not sure exactly where to go next. There was so much unsaid between the two of them now, and she wasn't sure exactly how to broach the subject. "Look," she said finally, "I...I have to go. I just thought I should call you and let you know how things were going."

"I appreciate that," said Rita sincerely. "It's good to hear your voice, Erin. You do sound like you're doing really well."

"There's still a few things I want to fix," said Erin self-consciously. "But...I should go."

"Okay," said Rita. "I'll...um...hear from you soon?"

"Of course," said Erin. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie." Rita hung up.

Erin put the phone down and sighed to herself. It was obvious that the rift between them was starting to become intolerable for both of them. The distance between them now certainly didn't help matters. 

Erin looked at the phone again, and slumped forward. She was beat - she'd have to grab some rest before work tomorrow. She'd been feeling so tired. Her nerves must be shot to hell. 

**** 

Monday morning rolled around, and Erin went into work as usual. As she walked through the front door, she smiled at the employees she knew. The progress she had made with the Brian issue had cheered her up quite a bit, even considering the worries about her health and the rift with her mother.

She walked down the corridor to get to her cubicle, and as she walked, she passed a guy. He immediately looked up at her, and smiled in greeting. She smiled back, and the gaze lingered a little longer than it probably should have. He was attractive, tall with wavy brown hair. He was rather hot, she had to admit. 

Erin found herself looking back to catch another glimpse of him, and she discovered that he was still looking at her. They shared another smile, and Erin reluctantly went back to looking ahead of her. 

Which was exactly when she walked straight into Melissa. 

"Oh my God!" said Erin. "I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there, and..."

"I'm not _that _short," said Melissa dryly, stepping back a little. "So there you are. You never did call me back this weekend."

"I'm sorry," said Erin sincerely. "I had a lot to do."

"Obviously. You bolted from the mall like a rabbit on speed. Must have been important." Melissa smiled. "Hey, don't worry about it. So how was the weekend?"

"Fine," said Erin distractedly. She glanced behind her again to see if she could still see the guy. "Um - did you see that guy back there? Kind of cute, really nice hair?"

"Not my type."

"Well, duh," said Erin with a grin. "Just curious, I suppose."

"So I see." Melissa jerked her thumb back in the direction of their work area. "Come on. We don't want to be late."

Erin nodded, and followed her, still glancing back every few seconds to try to catch another glimpse. 

****

This went on for most of the rest of the week, and the following week too. Every morning, Erin would come in and she would run into the guy, and they would share a smile. It happened every morning, and Erin was starting to think that he was waiting for her now. She was flattered by the attention, though.

On Friday afternoon, Erin was leaving for the week. She and Melissa walked out to the parking lot and over to Melissa's car. "Any plans?" said Erin cheerfully. 

"I," said Melissa loftily, "have a date."

Erin's face lit up. "That is so cool! Is she nice?"

"_Very_ nice. Her name's Kristin, and she works in the claims department."

"Don't think I know her." Erin smiled. "Hey, have a great time, okay?"

"You too - you got any plans?"

Erin shrugged. "Not really. I'll probably just go home and watch TV all night."

"See you for lunch tomorrow?"

Erin smiled. "Sure. Have fun!"

Melissa got in her car and started the engine. "Always. See you later." She gave a final smile and drove off. 

Erin watched her go and then started to walk over to the bus terminal. She had a car, but it was back home, and getting it might be a problem at the moment. She was probably going to have to buy a new one eventually, but for now she was just using public transportation. Luckily, Kansas City seemed to have an excellent service. As she was doing so, she heard a noise from behind her. Turning around, she saw the guy who had been smiling at her standing there. "Hey," he said.

"Hi," said Erin, a little flustered at this. 

"Look," said the man. "This is probably a little forward and everything, but you only live once, right?"

"I suppose," said Erin, not knowing where this conversation was going. 

"My name's Alex, by the way," said the man suddenly. "I should introduce myself, shouldn't I?"

"Erin," she said with a smile. "I've seen you in work, haven't I?"

"And I've seen you." Alex rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "I sound like a stalker, don't I?" He shook his head. "Anyway, I've seen you at work, and I have to say you've really caught my eye."

Erin felt herself blush a little. "I bet you say that to everyone."

"No, really." Alex smiled. "You have this gorgeous red hair, and this amazing smile..." Erin couldn't help but smile as she heard that. "See, there it is."

"You're leading up to something," said Erin, cocking her head to the side. "Aren't you?"

"Might be a little forward," said Alex nervously. "But...do you want to get a drink or something? I have to ask now, or it might be a few more months before I get the nerve to do anything this stupid again."

Erin nodded. "I'd love..." As she was about to agree, the memories of the past few years flashed back into her mind with alarming speed. Suddenly, this didn't seem like such a good idea for all kinds of reasons, not least of which was the fact that she wasn't actually officially divorced yet.

There were all sorts of other thoughts going through her head as well, but she didn't have time to process all of them right now, She had to get away. "I'm sorry," she said awkwardly. "I want to...but I've got...things to do. Sorry."

Alex looked disappointed. "I'm sorry. Was it something I..."

"No, no, it's not you, honestly. It's me...it's confusing and I can't go into it right away."

"Maybe some other time?"

Erin half-nodded, half-shook her head. "I'm sorry. I...I should go." Without any hesitation, Erin turned and walked quickly away in the direction of the bus. That had been going so well, and now...

Well, now everything that she had been trying to ignore was bubbling up in her head and she didn't know what to do. Hunching her head down, she kept walking, trying to make sense of everything that was going on in her life. 

**** 

Erin took a deep breath and rang the door bell. After she had done so, she stepped back from the apartment door and waited. She hoped she'd gotten the address right - it was going to be pretty awkward if she hadn't. Of course, it might still be pretty awkward, but she didn't know what else to do. 

After a few moments, the door opened and Melissa stood there. Her hair was messed up and she was wearing a bathrobe that she was holding tightly shut. Her expression was one of extreme irritation, but it changed to concern as soon as she saw Erin. "Erin?" 

"Hi," said Erin sadly. "Sorry to bother you, but..."

"Have you been crying?" said Melissa, taking a closer look at her. 

"I..." Erin felt herself tear up again and she could just nod sadly. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Melissa glanced back. "Er...yeah, but come in anyway."

"I can't...I don't..."

"Come in," said Melissa firmly. "You're a mess. What the hell kind of friend would I be if I didn't do something?"

"What kind of friend am I?" said Erin weakly. 

"You're aren't making any sense," said Melissa, taking Erin's arm and guiding her gently inside. The door lead into a living room with a couch and a large lounge chair. There was a kitchen area off to the side, and a three doors leading to other rooms. One of the doors was open, and Erin could see the side of a bed through it. 

Melissa sat Erin down on the couch, sitting down beside her. Erin wiped her face, trying to clean the tears away. While she did that, another woman came out from the bedroom. She was tall and blonde, clad only in a t-shirt and shorts. 

"Hi," said Erin awkwardly. 

"Hey," said the blonde, looking over at Melissa with a confused look on her face. 

"This is Erin," said Melissa by way of explanation. "She's a friend of mine." She turned to Erin. "This is Kristin. From claims, you remember?"

"Sorry," said Erin again. "I just didn't...I didn't know where else to go right now and I needed someone to talk to and I'm sorry I interrupted your date...." She took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from hyper-ventilating. "I didn't know if you'd be home yet..."

"We went out to see a movie," said Kristin, sitting herself down on the lounge chair.

"But it was sold out, and there wasn't anything else we wanted to see..." added Melissa. 

"So we rented a couple of movies and came back here...."

Erin glanced around the apartment, noticing for the first time the discarded clothes and the overturned wine glasses. "Oh God," she said, mortified. "I interrupted you two..."

"Yes, yes," said Melissa quickly. "It's okay. We totally forgive you."

"Sort of," added Kristin. Seeing Erin's reaction, she reassured her. "It's okay, really. I was kidding."

"You're a mess," said Melissa, her tone one of great concern. "What happened?"

"Well, this guy asked me out," started Erin. Seeing the other two's confused look, she tried to smile. "It wasn't that, really. That just started it."

"Started what?" asked Melissa.

Erin looked up into Melissa's eyes. "We're friends, right?"

"Yeah. You know that."

"I haven't been a very good friend," said Erin quietly, looking down again. "You've been the first really close friend I've ever had and I haven't been very good to you."

"What are you talking..."

"I'm still married," she said quietly, almost a whisper. "I'm not divorced yet. I know that's not what I told you, but....I couldn't..."

"Oh," said Melissa, a confused look on her face. 

"There's a whole bunch of other stuff I haven't told you either." Erin slumped back on the couch. "That pre-nuptial agreement I told you about?" Melissa nodded. "It's me. I have a trust fund. My Dad left it to me when..." She tailed off. "That's not important. But I didn't tell you. I never got divorced. I just ran away, and that's what I'm doing here. Running away still." Her voice dropped. "I never made up with my mother either. We're still estranged. I was...trying to put things right and take charge of my own life, but there's so much I've still been doing that's...." Her entire body seemed to slump and she let out a low moan. "I'm still messing things up."

Melissa and Kristin looked at each other for a moment, then Melissa put a hand on Erin's shoulder. "Erin, what brought this on?"

"I'm a really bad person," mumbled Erin, not looking up. 

"Erin, you're not a bad person," said Melissa softly. "Okay, you've been hiding things from me. But we've only known each other for what? Two months, if that? It's not like you're stabbing me in the back. And you're trying, aren't you? That counts for something."

"This guy - Alex - asked me out."

"From work? Wavy hair?" Erin nodded. "I know him," said Kristin. "He's a nice guy."

"And I was going to say yes, but then I remembered about Brian, and how we aren't divorced yet..."

"Hold on," said Melissa suddenly. "So you're still married?"

"I'm in the middle of filing for divorce, but I have to have lived here for three months before I can do that. It's almost up, though." Erin's face crumpled up again. "If I can got through with it."

"What does that mean?" asked Kristin, handing Erin a box of tissues. 

"I...I don't know if I can go through with it," said Erin unhappily. "I've never been able to stand up to him. I told him over the phone, that was big enough for me, but once he gets the papers, he'll be here and I won't be able to...." She tailed off again and blew her nose loudly.

"Erin..." said Melissa with a sigh. "Why would you do that?"

"After that last part I told you about - you remember the fight I had with my mother?" Melissa nodded. "There was more after that that I never told you." Erin took a deep breath. "I was in Switzerland?"

"Switzerland?" asked Kristin suddenly. "What were you doing in Switzerland?"

"It's a long story," said Erin. 

"Hey, we've got all night," said Kristin with a smile. 

"Since our other plans are gone, after all," said Melissa dryly. She smiled at Erin. "I'm kidding. Go on."

Erin smiled weakly and continued the story. 

****

Erin stared out of the window. The beautiful white landscape of Switzerland filled her, the snow-capped peaks stretching off into the distance as far as she could see. It was beautiful, one of the most amazing sights she had ever seen. 

And she still couldn't bring herself to appreciate it. 

She had been here for a week now, her grandmother having sent her here to take her mind off things. It had been a sweet gesture, but Erin wasn't having much luck at relaxing. Her recent problems still filled her mind at every opportunity. 

Brian was still out there, trying to get back into her good graces. She'd managed to avoid him for the time being, but seeing as she was staying with her grandmother and he knew where she lived, it wasn't easy. 

Her recent spat with her mother also occupied a great part of her mind. They had ostensibly made up, but she hadn't been home yet, and their recent conversations were still filled with tension. Erin hated it - she hated the things she had said, and she hated not being close to her mother. She felt lonely. There was no-one she could talk to. Her grandmother wasn't exactly one for talking, and Erin had gotten the distinct feeling that she wanted her to get back with Brian. 

She sighed heavily and sat down on the couch in her room. She had an appointment later that day at the spa for something designed to help her relax, but she was feeling too apathetic to go. 

A knock at the door made her sit up. She hadn't ordered any room service - who could it be? Getting up, she walked over to the door and opened it. 

Much to her surprise, it was Brian, standing there with a big grin and a huge bunch of flowers. "Hey," he said in a silky voice. 

"Brian?" said Erin, not believing what she was seeing. "What...this is Switzerland! What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," said Brian in as sincere a tone as he could. 

"But...how...you knew I was here? I mean, in St. Moritz?"

"Your grandmother told me. She's worried about you. Thought seeing me would cheer you up."

Erin swore under her breath. "Why would it cheer me up, Brian? I want to divorce you, remember? In fact, seeing you would probably cheer me down!" She realized how stupid that sounded, and kicked herself mentally. 

"Can I come in, at least?" Brian smiled. "I _have_ traveled all this distance to see you, you know?"

Erin sighed. "I suppose. But this isn't going to change anything, Brian. I'm still getting a divorce from you." She stepped back and allowed Brian to walk into the room. 

He did so and immediately flopped down on the couch. "Nice room. Very generous woman, my grandmother-in-law. I mean, how do you think I got here?"

"Of course." Erin made a mental note to kill her grandmother when she got home. "Brian, I don't care what you say..."

"Can you at least hear me out?" asked Brian quickly. "I've come all this way."

"Maybe because I cut off your access to my money..."

"That isn't fair." Brian frowned admonishingly. "Erin, you should give me more of a chance. I _am _still your husband, after all."

Erin sighed. "All right. Go on."

"Look," he said calmly. "I know I messed up. I may have come across as a little rude, a little harsh..."

"We've had this discussion before," said Erin sadly. "You never change. This is just the first time I've been able to leave. I always caved before."

"That's probably because you still love me," said Brian softly. 

"I..." Erin glanced down at the floor. "I want to," she said quietly. "You just never seem to be the person you were before we got married."

"It's been hard on me, losing my job," Brian said with some reluctance. "You know, it's hard for a man when he can't provide for his own family."

You could have tried to find another job, thought Erin, but she kept it to herself. Maybe he hadn't been able to go out and look for one because of the way he felt. 

"Maybe I haven't been as good to you as I should have been," continued Brian, "but I've done for you, haven't I? I mean, it's not like you don't have faults. Faults that maybe another person wouldn't put up with."

Erin closed her eyes as he said that. He was right, in a way. She had just finished getting through one of her outbreaks, and it had just brought home to her how someone else might see that. Brian was right - someone else might not be so accepting. 

"I can change, Erin," he said. "Just give me another chance. I know I haven't earned it, but don't throw away everything we have like this." He walked over to her and brought her face up with his fingers. "Please?" he asked softly, giving her his most wonderful smile.

Erin's heart melted, despite all she tried to do to stop it. He was right. She owed him another chance to work this out. "Maybe," she said quietly. "Maybe we could work this out."

Brian smiled. "I knew you'd see it my way. Hey, we should celebrate."

"Don't be so hasty..."

"Champagne?" he said suddenly. "We can get room service to bring it up. Come on..."

Erin looked at him for a moment, then smiled. "Okay. I guess some couldn't hurt."

****

"So the champagne came," said Erin, back on the couch in Melissa's apartment, "and we started drinking it. And I never think well when I've had too much to drink."

"We've all been there," said Melissa sympathetically.

"I haven't," said Kristin, trying to lighten the mood. 

"And I got drunker and drunker, because I always do, and I agree for some reason to get back with him and I call my mother to tell her, and then...." Erin shrugged. "He was trying to get me drunk. He told me as much - he said that he knew I was a lot 'friendlier' when I was drunk. He must have been smashed too, otherwise he never would have admitted it. I woke up the next morning and ran away as far as I could."

"You came here."

Erin nodded and tried to smile, sniffling a little. "I've been here ever since. I've made arrangements to get a divorce, but it isn't final yet, and I'm worried that when he gets here...I'll do the same thing again."

"Why did you get back together with him?" asked Kristin. "You said he was talking about no-one else wanting you?" 

Erin briefly explained about the herpes thing. Melissa sighed again as she was doing it. "Erin, I told you. You're a beautiful girl. It's not going to matter to the right guy."

"I know that. At least, I want to know that." Erin thought back to the guy who had asked her out. "And then Alex asked me out and all I could think about was what if Brian was right? What if he was the only guy? I know it's stupid, but I was worried, and I know it doesn't make any sense, but..." Erin shrugged. "It's stupid. That's why I got back with him, back then. It was the same. The thought that no-one else would want me, and that I had to do anything to hold onto my marriage."

"Oh Erin," said Melissa softly, taking Erin's hand. "Look. Do you love this guy, Brian? I mean, did you ever?"

Erin thought for a few moments, trying to go over their entire relationship and trying to remember what she felt. "No," she said finally. "I was...there was some lust there, at first, I mean."

"I know exactly what you mean," said Kristin sadly.

"You, lusty?" said Melissa, raising an eyebrow. 

"There's more to me than this pleasant exterior, you know." 

"But...I never loved him. I wanted to, because of everything, and I almost convinced myself that I did, but..." Erin shook her head slowly. "It could never have worked, could it?"

"Not by the sounds of things," said Melissa. "I mean, lust is a great thing, but I wouldn't base a marriage on it."

"At least," said Kristin gently, "you're figuring this out at last. You know, maybe now you won't feel you have to get back with him now."

"There's more," said Erin, her voice almost a whisper. "I've been trying not to think about it for the last few weeks, but it's been there."

"What is it?" Melissa leaned closer. "Erin, what's wrong?"

"I think..." Erin took a deep breath. "I've been really sick, and tired all the time, and I've missed my last two periods, and...." She wiped her eyes again, feeling them tear up. "I think I'm pregnant."

"Oh," was all that Melissa could say before Erin crumpled into a heap. She wrapped her arms around Erin, pulling her close. "It's okay," she said quietly. "It's okay."

"No it isn't!" wailed Erin. "It's not okay. I don't want to be pregnant! That's just another thing that would tie me to him and I...I..." She sniffed loudly. "I hate him, I really do. I know that's a terrible thing to say and I sound really selfish, but I...I just want things to be like they were years ago, before I met him and everything turned to shit and now my whole life is a mess, and my mother hates me, and..." Erin realized she was hyperventilating. "And everyone thinks I'm this stupid immature little girl and they're right..."

"Erin, are you okay?" said Kristin, a touch of alarm creeping into her voice. 

"Take deep breaths," said Melissa. 

Erin nodded quickly and tried to calm herself down. After taking a great number of deep breaths, she managed to get her breathing back under control. "I'm so sorry," she said in a distraught tone, tears still streaming down her face. "I've ruined your whole evening."

"Erin, calm down," Melissa whispered gently. "It's okay. Don't beat yourself up."

"I'm really tired," mumbled Erin, "of everything."

"Get some rest." Melissa helped her to her feet, and walked her slowly into the bedroom. She quickly cleared the pile of discarded clothes off the bed and laid Erin down on it. "Get some sleep, okay? Things will seem better in the morning, I promise."

"You're such a great friend," Erin muttered through her tears. "I don't deserve you."

"Sssh. Got to sleep." Melissa bent down and kissed her gently on the forehead. "Goodnight."

"Night," said Erin weakly. She closed her eyes, so exhausted from her meltdown that she fell asleep right away. 

****

Erin awoke with a start. Sitting bolt upright in bed, she tried to figure out where she was. The room looked very unfamiliar. Suddenly the events of last night came back into her head and she groaned in embarrassment. She had made a total fool out of herself. 

Getting out of bed, she slowly walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. With any luck, Melissa had gone out and she could sneak out without seeing her. Otherwise, she'd never be able to face her. 

Unhappily, both Melissa and Kristin were still there. They were both sleeping on the couch, wrapped up in each other's arms, a blanket over them. As Erin walked closer, Melissa's eyes opened, and she yawned. "Morning," she said sleepily. "How are you feeling?"

"Really bad," said Erin unhappily. "I made a fool of myself last night."

Melissa sat up on the couch, causing Kristin to sleepily readjust her position to avoid falling off. "Erin, you didn't make a fool of yourself, okay? But you worried us both. I thought you were on the verge of having a nervous breakdown."

"I ruined your date."

"She's still here, isn't she?" Melissa smiled. "Stop beating yourself up. Looks like you've been doing quite enough of that by yourself." Her expression changed to one of concern. "How long have you been feeling like this?"

Erin sat down on the lounge chair. "For pretty much as soon as I left Brian, I think. I've been trying to keep it all in, and last night...well, I guess it all came out."

"It's not good to keep all that in. It really isn't." Melissa took a deep breath. "I've been there myself, okay? I know what it's like. My parents and..." She shook her head. "It's not important."

"Sorry."

"It's in the past. Look, you can't just repress all this."

"I know," said Erin sadly.

"Look..." Melissa reached behind the couch, trying to get at something. "I know that things are really playing on your mind right now, and the last thing you need is to bottle it up." She pulled out a plastic bag from the grocery store and handed it to Erin. 

Erin took it and glanced inside. It was a pregnancy test. 

"I had to go out and get one..." Melissa shrugged. "Given my lifestyle, the chances of me getting pregnant accidentally are kind of remote." She sighed. "Sorry- trying to lighten the mood."

"It's okay," said Erin distantly. She looked at the kit, not believing that she was actually going to be taking it. The whole situation seemed so detached and unreal. Plus, she was scared at what she might find. She had been trying so hard to get away from her old life, and now here was something that would connect her to it forever. 

Erin knew she was being selfish, but it still frightened her. 

"I didn't know if I was being too forward, or..."

Erin tried to smile. It came out as more of a terrified grimace. "No. Thank you. I...I should do this." She stood up and started to walk to the bathroom, taking Melissa's hand for a quick squeeze as she did so. 

Once inside, she took a very deep breath, and started. 

****

"I don't understand," said Erin, some time later. "I mean, I was so sure and everything. I was tired, I had missed periods, I was being sick all the damn time. I had all the symptoms." She glanced at the test again. "But...this doesn't lie, does it?"

"Not that I know of," said Melissa, taking it from her. "And you even made me go out and get three more. Face it, Erin, you aren't pregnant."

Kristin walked back in from the kitchen and handed Erin a large bowl of chocolate ice cream. "Are you sure you want that much?" she asked. 

Erin nodded eagerly. "Oh, yes. I need some cheering up."

"You brightened up as soon as you saw the result," said Melissa dryly. "I don't think I've seen someone's mood change that fast. Someone that wasn't heavily medicated, of course."

"It was like this weight was lifted off of me," explained Erin with obvious relief. "I know that's like a huge cliche, but it's true."

"It was stress, I bet," said Kristin, joining the other two at the table with her own bowl of ice cream. "I know that can mess your body up like nothing else."

Melissa took a spoonful from her bowl. "Have you ever thought about counseling?"

"Not really," said Erin. "I probably ought to, though. I guess you don't realize how much you've been keeping in until you let it out."

"Feeling better now, though. Right?"

"Still a little shaky. But on the whole, yeah," said Erin with a small smile. "I guess I sounded a little hysterical, huh?"

"More than a little," said Melissa, raising an eyebrow. 

"I didn't...it's not that I never want kids. But I know I'm not ready now, and I know that I don't want them with Brian for definite. That's a major load off my back, at least."

"The other stuff," began Melissa. She paused. "Look, it's not that major. I know I shouldn't say this with my girlfriend here..."

"I'm your girlfriend now?" Kristin took a large scoop of ice cream. "First I heard about it."

"We had a date." Melissa smiled. "I'm hoping for another. Call it wishful thinking."

"If it's as interesting as the first one..."

"Anyway. Erin, guys are not going to turn you away because of the whole herpes thing. Trust me - you might not be perfect, but you're a sweet girl, and you're really attractive."

"Thanks." Erin finished her ice cream. "That was good." She glanced at her watch. "You know, I should be going."

"You sure?" said Kristin, sounding a little worried. 

Erin nodded and stood up. "I'll be fine. I'm going to go home, get some rest, I think." She smiled. "You two should go out again. I promise I won't interrupt this time."

"Call me," said Melissa, standing up and giving her a quick hug. "Just to let me know you're okay."

"I will." Erin turned to Kristin. "It was nice to meet you." 

"I hope you're feeling better the next time we meet." Kristin smiled. "Hope everything works out for you."

Erin nodded, said her goodbyes, and left. 

****

Erin lay back on the bed in her own apartment. She felt drained again, but at least now she knew it was probably because of her own anxiety, and not pregnancy. Melissa was such a good friend. 

She mulled over what she had said. Maybe she was right - maybe Erin's problems weren't such a huge deal as she made them out to be. They probably could be fixed easily. Only one final problem was going to give her much trouble - having to tell Brian face-to-face that it was over and making it stick. That was going to be the main one. 

One that could be fixed quite easily was the rift with her mother. Erin took a deep breath and picked up the phone. She was sick of the distance between them. All it would take would be for them to actually talk to each other honestly. 

Hopefully. 

Erin dialed the number before she lost her nerve. Neither of them was very good at doing that, so she would have to take the lead. After a few rings, her mother's voice came on the line. "Hello?"

"Hi, mother," said Erin nervously. 

"Erin!" said Rita happily. "It's good to hear from you. How have you been?"

"Fine," lied Erin. She shook her head suddenly. "No, wait. I'm not doing that. I'm not fine."

"What's wrong?" said Rita, worry creeping into her voice. 

"I miss you," said Erin simply. 

"I miss you too."

"No, I mean I _miss _you," said Erin emotionally. "I know...things haven't been good between us lately. For months, let's face it. I've been too nervous to talk to you about it, and I think you feel the same way."

"Oh, Erin," said Rita sadly. "I have missed you."

"It's just..." Erin closed her eyes. "I've never been this..._far _from you before." 

"I know."

There was a brief silence. Finally, Erin had an idea. "Come to see me."

"What? But Erin, dear, I have..."

"I'm having a party," said Erin impulsively. "A house-warming party. Or an apartment-warming party. I want you to come. It..." Her voice grew a little softer. "It would mean a lot to me."

"Erin, I have..." Rita fell silent for a moment. "I suppose it isn't anything that can't be put off. When is it?"

"Ah..." Erin wondered how quickly she could put a party together. "Not next weekend, but the one after. You need my address?"

"Yes." Rita chuckled a little. "It would be nice to get away for a little bit. It's been kind of...weird around here without anyone else here." 

Erin gave Rita her address. "So call me and let me know when you're coming in."

"I will, dear." Erin swore she could hear the smile in her mother's voice. "It _will_ be nice to see you again."

"I know, Mother." Erin smiled and said her goodbyes, then hung up. She grinned a little wider as she did so. It seemed that now she could finally start getting her life in order.

Of course, now she had to organize a party in the next two weeks, but how difficult could that be?

****

"No," said Melissa firmly. She took the catalogue away from Erin, and theatrically tossed it away. "You really don't need all that stuff."

"But," Erin started to protest, "my mother really likes all that sort of stuff."

"It's not a society function, it's a party. All you need is some music, some drinks, all the girls from work." She paused. "And guys, if you're into that sort of thing."

"For what it's worth," said Kristin, popping her head around the corner from the kitchen. "I think you have a point. It's not unreasonable to want some nice stuff for your party."

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" said Melissa with a frown. 

Kristin shrugged and disappeared around the corner again. Melissa shook her head. "God, if she wasn't so annoying pleasant, attractive and perfect, I would dump her ass so fast..."

"I heard that," said Kristin sweetly. 

"You were meant to." Melissa grinned and turned back to Erin. "Sorry. Didn't mean to tell you..."

"No, no," said Erin suddenly. "You're right, I think." She sighed. "I just want everything to be perfect, and I figured that I'd get some stuff like that. But...you're right. I don't need all of that. I want my mother to see that I'm getting along fine, that I'm happy. So, I should just have it like it is, right?" She smiled. 

Melissa shrugged. "If you say so. I was just giving you a hard time." She grinned. "You're right, I think."

"Some nice stuff wouldn't hurt," said Erin, with a sly grin. She reached over and picked up the catalogue again. "Just to liven the apartment up a bit."

Kristin walked out from the kitchen again. "See, told you so. And it is her party."

"Kiss-ass," said Melissa, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "So when's she getting in?"

"Next Saturday. I'll pick her up from the airport, then come back here."

"Where we'll be in full swing, I suppose?" asked Kristin. 

"Of course," said Melissa enthusiastically. "Nothing worse than arriving just _before _a party. You have to arrive in the middle."

"I'm not really a party person," said Kristin with a shrug. 

"You will be once I get finished with you."

Erin smiled and set down the catalogue again. "You guys are so awesome, you know that? You're like the greatest friends ever."

"Are you going to cry again?" asked Melissa. "Do I need to break out the cheesecake?"

Erin laughed softly. "There's no time for cheesecake."

"There's _always _time for cheesecake," said Melissa. 

Kristin slipped an arm around Melissa's shoulder. "For once, I agree with her on this."

Erin shook her head happily, and went back to flicking through the catalogue.

****

The airport lounge seemed unusually empty for a Saturday evening, thought Erin to herself. She was standing in the arrivals area waiting for her mother's flight to get in. It wasn't very crowded at all, which only emphasized how awkward Erin felt. 

This would be one of the first times she and her mother had seen each other since their spat, and Erin was terrified. Nevertheless, she was determined to fix it. She wasn't going to run from her problems any more.

A quick glance over at the arrivals board showed her that the flight had landed, which meant there was only a short time before her mother was here. Erin shuffled from one foot to the next, feeling incredibly self-conscious. She looked down at herself, wondering if she should have worn something a bit fancier than a t-shirt, jeans, and sweater. 

As she was fretting over her wardrobe choices, Erin heard a familiar voice call her name, and she looked up. Sure enough, her mother was standing there, a suitcase in her hand. Erin walked towards her. "Hello, Mother."

"Erin!" said Rita cheerfully. She reached out her arms and pulled Erin into a slightly awkward hug. 

Erin broke off and smiled nervously. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," said Rita, trying to sound as cheerful as she could. "I mean, my boyfriend dumped me, and your grandmother has been on my back about you, but..."

"Sorry," said Erin quietly. 

"Oh, I didn't mean to bring you down, dear," said Rita, her face falling. "I mean, it _is _good to see you. I didn't mean to bring up bad things."

"Sorry about your boyfriend."

"He was a loser anyway."

Erin bit her tongue on that part. No point in rehashing old arguments. "Have you see Brian at all?"

"Oh God, yes," said Rita in an exasperated tone. "He just won't go away. He's so clingy and needy..."

"No wonder we got married," muttered Erin. 

"Erin, you aren't like that," said Rita with a sigh. "I mean, no more than I am."

"You're right," said Erin quietly. "It's just..." She shook her head. "Nothing." 

"So," said Rita. "Where to now?"

"Back to my apartment," said Erin, leading the way out of the terminal. "My housewarming party ought to be in full swing by now."

"It's already started?"

"Melissa said that it's always bad to walk in before a party starts."

"Who's Melissa?"

Erin grinned. "Just a friend of mine. She's really nice - you'll like her." Erin had a taxi waiting, and she helped Rita put her bag into the trunk. She paused before getting in. "It's really good to see you again, Mother," she said softly. 

Rita smiled. "You too, dear."

Erin nodded slightly and got into the car. Pulling out of the garage, they went down the streets to Erin's apartment. 

"Nice town," said Rita, taking a glance at the scenery on the way past. 

"I like it," said Erin. They reached her apartment and pulled up outside. Erin got out of the taxi, paid the driver, and pulled Rita's bag out of the back. Rita looked up at her apartment building. "This is where you live?"

Erin nodded. "A couple of floors up, but yes."

"Oh," said Rita. She paused. "It's very nice," she said finally.

"Thank you." Erin held her arm out. "Shall we?"

****

When they arrived at her apartment, they found the party in full swing. Erin's place wasn't very big, so it was kind of crowded. Erin recognized most of the people from work, but there were a few people she didn't have any clue about. She suspected Melissa may have had a hand in that. 

Anyway, it didn't matter. Parties were always much more fun when there was more people. Erin glanced around, looking for Melissa.

"Hey, Erin!" It was Caroline and Anne from work, waving at her from the corner of the room. "Nice party!"

"Thanks," called Erin back. The party did seem to be going rather well. She smiled at a couple of guys she didn't know, and lead her mother through the throng of people. She spotted Melissa and Kristin over at the other side of her apartment, talking to some of the others from work. She waved at them trying to get their attention. They saw and started over. 

Rita glanced around the apartment. "It's very...small, dear isn't it? You could have gotten something larger, couldn't you?" She reached over and grabbed a drink from a nearby tray.

"I like it," said Erin, looking at her mother. "I mean, I don't need anything larger, do I? Besides, the rent would have been murder."

"But what about...?"

"I'm trying not to use that. I want to do this by myself," said Erin, shrugging a little. "You know, it's actually been working out pretty well."

"Well, I'm glad," said Rita, in a tone of voice that suggested that she didn't quite understand what Erin was saying. 

Melissa and Kristin walked over. "Hey, cool party," said Melissa cheerfully. 

"You set most of it up," pointed out Kristin. 

"And I'm justifiably proud." Melissa grinned. "Hey."

Erin turned to Rita. "Mother, this is Melissa, and this is Kristin. They've both been so good to me since I got into town. Guys, this is my mother, Rita Barksdale."

Melissa and Kristin said hello. Rita smiled. "It's nice to meet you both. Thanks for being so nice to Erin."

"She's a really nice person," said Kristin.

"Hey, it isn't a problem," said Melissa. "You know, we had a bit of a rocky start, but it's cool now."

"Rocky start..?" said Rita, frowning a little. 

"Just a bit of a mix-up," said Melissa, before she noticed Erin giving her a look. "You know, it's nothing."

Rita looked confused. "Oh. Well, never mind." She smiled again. "Are you two roommates?"

Kristin and Melissa glanced at each other for a moment. Kristin cleared her and looked back at Rita. "Actually," she said shyly. "She's my girlfriend."

"Oh," said Rita, looking a little flustered. "That's...interesting."

"Isn't it, though?" Melissa grinned again. "Anyway, you guys probably have tons to talk about, so we'll leave you to it." She took Kristin's hand, and started to walk away. "Check out the dip, by the way. It's amazing."

Rita watched them go, then turned back to Erin. "Well," she said awkwardly. "They seem very nice."

"They're great," said Erin. "I really needed a friend when I came here."

"Oh," said Rita, her voice dropping a little. 

Erin realized what she had implied and put a hand on her mother's shoulder. "I didn't mean..." She tailed off. "Look, can we go somewhere and talk, just you and I, for a moment?"

"I should go put my bag away," said Rita. "Um. Do you have a guest room?"

"Not really. Just set it on my bed." Erin pointed out her room. "We'll figure something out tonight."

Rita nodded and glanced around the apartment again. "It _is_ a nice apartment," she said, glancing at the other party-goers. "You, uh, seem to be quite happy here."

"Well, I am," said Erin with a small smile. "But, um, that doesn't mean that...that there aren't things I don't...miss from home." This was all coming out wrong, she thought to herself unhappily. "Why...don't you put your bag in there and then.." She tailed off. "Well, you know."

Rita nodded quickly. "I'll do that." She looked at Erin for a moment, and the moment stretched out. There was so much between them that had been unsaid lately, and Erin felt uncomfortable. After a minute, Rita turned and walked towards the bedroom, her bags in tow. 

Erin sighed deeply. This was a little more awkward than she had thought. As she was mulling this over, she heard someone walk up behind her, and a hand was placed on her shoulder. 

"You sound upset," said a familiar voice. "Anything I can help with?"

Erin's eyes grew wide and she turned around like a flash. Much to her horror, it was indeed Brian, standing in her apartment - which he wasn't supposed to know the location of - smiling in that horrible way of his, and acting like he had every right to be there.

"Brian!" she said in an alarmed tone. Actually, it came across as more of a yell, but she _was _surprised. The other guests looked around in shock as she did so, wondering what the commotion was. "What the _hell _are you doing here?"

"I came to see you, of course." Brian sighed. "Doesn't a husband have every right to see his wife?"

Erin could hear everyone gossiping under their breaths, whispering about this new development. She didn't care. "We're going to be divorced, Brian. Remember? Have you gotten that letter from my attorney yet?"

"Not yet, which is why I was hoping we could still work this out."

"Wait." Erin held up her hands suddenly. "Hold on. How did you find me?"

"Well..." Brian smirked. "Remember, I was formally a member of the intelligence community."

"Which they fired you from because you couldn't keep your mouth shut."

Brian bristled at this. "Anyway. I followed your mother."

As he was saying that, Rita came back out of the bedroom. She stopped in her tracks as soon as she saw Brian. "Brian? How the..."

"It wasn't hard," said Brian, adjusting his jacket smugly. By this point, the music had died down, and everyone was watching Erin and Brian (although most were trying not to show it). 

Melissa and Kristin walked back in from another room quickly. "Erin?" said Melissa worriedly. "I heard you yell and..." She saw Brian. "Who are you?"

"This," said Erin, trying to keep her voice as level as possible, "is Brian."

"_This _is Brian?" said Melissa, staring at him. "Damn, he's even..." She was cut off by Kristin nudging her in the ribs. She took the hint and was quiet. 

"Erin, I didn't know," said Rita. 

"I know," said Erin. She stared at Brian. "What do you want, Brian?"

"To talk," said Brian smoothly. He held his hands out in a conciliatory manner. "Look, I know we didn't exactly leave things in a great place, but..."

"No, Brian," said Erin firmly. "I mean it this time. It's over."

"You left so abruptly in Switzerland..."

"I left because you got me drunk so I'd agree to get back with you! That's not the sort of thing that people who care for each other do." Erin took a deep breath. "They also don't hit on every other girl in the country - any country. They don't lose their jobs and lounge around the house for two years. They don't treat their wives like their own personal maids and sex toys either, Brian."

Brian glanced around, suddenly very aware of how many people were intently listening. "Maybe we should do this in private."

"You started it in public, let's finish it here." Erin glared at him. "Give me one good reason why I should."

"I love you," said Brian, trying to make it sound as sincere as possible. It didn't quite work. 

Erin closed her eyes. "No. No, you don't, and I don't love you either. I don't think either of us ever did. I married you for all the wrong reasons, and I'm sorry about that."

"Erin," said Brian softly. "You're wrong."

"No, Brian, no I'm not. I married you because I was in love with the idea of being in love, and because I was scared. Scared that no-one else would ever want me."

"And I didn't mind that," pointed out Brian. 

"You gave it to me!" yelled Erin. "You knew and you didn't tell me. You make it sound like you're doing me a favor and how lucky I am to have you, but it was both of our faults, Brian, not just mine."

"What about your family?" said Brian. "Not many men would..."

"Don't talk about my family," said Erin sharply. "I mean it." She looked around the room again. Everything was a dead silence, every pair of eyes directed straight at them. She caught her mother's eyes, full of worry. She smiled a little at her, then looked back at Brian. "Then there was the thing about your job. Did you really know that you were going to get fired before we married? Did you marry me because I'd be a safety net?"

"That's ridiculous," said Brian mockingly, but he could not meet her gaze. "You know that I wouldn't do that."

"Wouldn't you?" asked Erin, still trying to look him in the eye. "You remember how our relationship only became important to you after I announced I was leaving? How you only tried to offer to patch things up _after _you saw that I really was going to file for divorce? You knew that it probably wouldn't stand up in court." She shook her head. "God, I don't know how you ever thought it would work."

"That isn't true," protested Brian. "I love you. I do want things to work out, honestly. I came here to try and work things out. I don't care about the money."

Erin stared at him. The room was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. She could swear that the other people in the room were holding their breath. 

Maybe Brian was telling the truth, a small voice in her head said. Maybe he did want to fix things for good this time. Erin took a deep breath. She knew exactly how to handle this. 

"Fine," she said tentatively. "Maybe you do want to work things out." 

"Erin!" said Melissa, shocked. Kristin caught her arm again, and she reluctantly said nothing. 

"I knew it," said Brian happily. "I..."

"There's one condition," said Erin suddenly. "If we're going to do this."

"What?" asked Brian, cocking his head to one side. 

"My trust fund," said Erin slowly. "It's gone."

Brian's eyes grew wide. "I don't under..."

"I'll give it away. We'll go as soon as possible, before I'll do anything else with you, and give it to charity or something. That way I'll know you're not just with me because of the money." She stared at him. "What do you say, Brian?"

Brian just looked at her, his face as white as a sheet. 

"This is your big chance to prove it, Brian, to prove that you love me as much as you say that you do. If you really cared, you wouldn't mind this. Sure, it's a lot of money, but it would sure remove all of my doubts."

Brian remained silent. 

Erin set her jaw and stood her ground. "But if you don't want to do this, if you don't want to get back together with me after you know I don't have any money..." She closed her eyes. "Just go."

Brian opened his mouth to say something, then paused. "Erin, think about this," he started weakly.

"If you love me with or without my money," said Erin sadly. "Then just say so. But it's at that point, Brian...I mean, we reached that point a long time ago or at least I did - I need actions, not just words. Words don't mean anything anymore."

"Look, if you just think about...." Brian tailed off. He suddenly seemed as though he had deflated, all the pomposity and confidence drained from him.

"I don't love you, Brian," said Erin softly. "And I know you don't love me either. It's better if we just admit it now." She shook her head. "We married each other for all the wrong reasons. Some of that was my fault, I know, and I'm sorry for that. But we can't keep this going. If everything I've said is wrong, just show me. Otherwise...I think it's best if you leave. You'll be hearing from my lawyer soon enough, and then we can get this finished." She paused. "And I wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I handled this. I should have confronted you on this right away instead of running. That just made everything harder for both of us. I'm sorry for that, but I'm making up for it now. We need this, Brian, for us both to be completely honest about exactly how we feel. I've done it. Can you?"

Brian stared at her for a few minutes, then slowly turned and walked out the door without looking back. Erin stood and watched him go. Her throat was dry and she knew she was shaking from the confrontation. She also knew that everyone was now staring directly at her. 

Trying her best to smile, she turned to the crowd. "Well," she said, trying to keep her voice level. "Isn't this supposed to be a party? Let's get everything going again!"

The party awkwardly started back up again, although Erin still noticed some people giving her odd looks. She walked over to her mother, Melissa and Kristin, who were standing in the corner, concerned looks on all of their faces. 

"Erin, sweetie, are you okay?" said Rita. 

"I..." Erin nodded quickly. "I will be, I suppose."

"You were awesome," said Melissa. "Damn, did you see his face drop as soon as you said that? I guess that showed him..."

"It's all right," said Kristin gently.

"I..." Erin glanced down at the floor. "Can I just be alone for a while? Just to kind of get my head in order. It's been..." She tailed off and shrugged. "I'll be fine. You guys just kind of hang out her, I'll be back in a while. Okay?"

"Erin..." Her mother smiled. "I'll see you when you get back?"

Erin nodded quickly. "I won't be long. Thank you...all of you." She smiled weakly, got her coat and walked out of her apartment. Taking the elevator to the ground floor, she walked out. Spotting a small deli across the street, she walked across and went inside. 

Settling into a booth near the back of the store, Erin nursed the cup of coffee she had bought and tried to calm her nerves. She was still shaking a bit from the adrenalin. 

Brian was gone. She didn't know for good this time, but something in the way he had looked at her made think that it was. She had stood up to him at last and made it stick. 

Of course, they would see each other again when she filed for divorce - and that was only a few weeks away, but she had the sense that it was finally over. 

Would she, if he had accepted her offer, have actually taken him back? Erin didn't know, but she did know that his refusal to do it showed her once and for all that he didn't love her for her. 

Taking a sip of her coffee, she still felt bad for him. He had looked so forlorn when he had left that she had almost caved, almost let him get to her. But she knew that this was the right thing to do. 

Erin put her cup down and closed her eyes, just letting the sounds of the surrounding area washing over her, calming her down. She would return to her apartment, but not yet. Not quite yet. 

****

By the time she felt ready to go back, morning was breaking. The sun was coming up over the horizon and the city was coming to life. Erin walked out of the deli and took a look around. 

The past few months here had been wonderful, she thought to herself. Despite all of the stress and worry that had been plaguing her - since she and Brian had gotten married, she realized with a shock - aside, she loved her life here. She had a job she liked (not loved, but how many people had a job they actually loved?), friends she loved, a nice apartment, and a sense that for the first time in her life she was actually being independent. 

Erin smiled, really smiled for the first time in as long as she could remember and walked back over to her apartment. She had a couple more things to do. 

When she arrived inside, she saw that the party seemed to have wrapped up some time earlier. Her mother, Melissa and Kristin were cleaning up the apartment, stuffing trash into bags and generally trying to get everything straightened out.

"I had my first girlfriend when I was about twelve," Melissa was saying. 

"So early?" said Rita. "You knew back then?"

"Oh Hell, yes." Melissa smiled. "Come on, you hadn't noticed boys back then?"

"I was a late developer," said Rita. 

"Me too," said Kristin. "I mean, I didn't have a girlfriend until I was nineteen, I think."

"I made up for lost time, of course" added Rita. "By the time I was fourteen, I'd already..." 

"This is more than I'd need to know," Erin said quietly. The others looked up as they heard her. Erin smiled. "It's good to see that you're bonding, at least."

"Erin!" said Rita happily. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine...I just needed to get my head in order."

"Did you?" asked Melissa, frowning a little in worry. 

Erin nodded. "Uh...Mother? Could I talk to you real quick?"

"Of course, dear," said Rita, a little surprised by this.

"In..." Erin indicated the bedroom. "In private?"

Rita nodded slowly, her expression confused. "I'll...um, see you in there?"

Erin smiled. "I'll be right in."

Rita looked at her again, then went into the bedroom. Erin walked over to the other two. "Thanks for helping to clean up the apartment," she said gratefully. 

"It wasn't a problem," said Kristin.

"The bill's in the mail," added Melissa. "Erin, do you want some privacy, or..."

"No, no," said Erin. "I..I just have to sort one more thing out. You guys just wait here, then...if you don't have any plans?"

"Nothing solid," said Kristin. 

"Your Mom's really cool, by the way," said Melissa with a grin. "I mean, she has some great stories."

"I know," said Erin with a smile. She looked at the two women for a second, the reached out and drew them both into a big hug. "Thank you," she said softly. 

"Erin, whoa," said Melissa. "I'm not into this."

"Be quiet," said Erin with a grin. "You two have been such a great help since I got here. I...don't know what I would have done..."

"We're your friends," said Kristin. 

"Anyone would have done the same," added Melissa.

Erin broke off from them and smiled again. "Thanks again, guys, I really appreciate you two, I mean it." She started to walk towards the bedroom. "I'll be out soonish, okay?"

"We'll try to be decent when you get back," said Melissa with a grin. "Right?"

"Don't get your hopes up," said Kristin. 

Erin laughed quietly and walked into her bedroom. Her mother was sitting on the bed, a nervous look on her face. "Hi," she said. 

"Hi." Erin walked over and sat down beside her, about a foot away. "I wanted to talk to you," she said nervously. "I know...we haven't exactly been close lately."

"I know, sweetie," said Rita unhappily. "I'm sorry, I..."

"It's mostly my fault," said Erin sadly. "I said some stuff I didn't mean, and..."

"Some of it was true."

"No..." said Erin. "I was feeling bad about myself and Brian, and I exaggerated a lot of what I was feeling. I'm certainly not in a position to talk about bad choices."

"Erin," said Rita, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You haven't made a lot of bad choices."

"Yes, I have," said Erin, closing her eyes. "All my life I have. But I'm really trying to make up for them now, to try and fix them, and..." She placed a hand on Rita's. "Fighting with you is one of the worst I've ever made." She opened her eyes and looked at Rita. "I've really missed you, Mom."

"I've missed you too, dear," said Rita, with a sad smile. "I've..." She looked down. "I've been kind of worried, too. Just...for selfish reasons, too. Like usual." She sighed. "You've been getting along so well here...and we weren't talking, and..." She tailed off. 

"And you thought I wasn't going to come home? Ever?" Erin out her hands up to her face. "Oh."

"You were so emotional," continued Rita unhappily, "and I...I didn't know."

"I'm so sorry," said Erin, tearing up. "I didn't mean to...I..." She reached out and drew her mother into a hug. "I love you, Mom," she said emotionally. "You've always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it. I never want to lose you."

"I love you too, dear," said Rita, hugging Erin back tightly. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," said Erin quietly, sniffling into her mother's shoulder. 

After a long hug, the two women separated and looked at each other. Rita wiped her eyes and smiled. "What do we do next?"

Erin wiped her own eyes and smiled at her mother. "What do you want to do?"

"You could..." Rita paused. "I have no idea." She looked towards the door, then back to Erin. "Your friends both seem like really nice girls."

"Aren't they great?" said Erin cheerfully. "They're so cool together. I hope they stay together..." She sighed. "I guess I'm not a great predictor of relationships."

"I don't think either of us are," said Rita. "But, Erin..."

"It's not something I'm looking for right now," said Erin, brightening up. "You know, this will be good, give me some time alone, to find out exactly who I am."

"You won't be alone," said Rita, putting her hand on Erin's shoulder again. 

Erin squeezed it gratefully. "I know," she said quietly. She got up off the bed and grinned. "Come on," she said brightly. 

"Where are we going?" asked Rita, standing up as well. 

"Does it matter?" said Erin brightly. "Let's go. We're in the city, everyone I love most in the world is here, and anything is possible." She held out her hand, and Rita took it. Erin looked her mother in the eye, smiled, and they walked out the room together. 

****

The End.

End Notes:

Thanks to my wife. 

Thanks to MTV.

Thanks to my beta-readers: Robert Nowall, Greystar, and Steven Galloway. ****

  


  


  


  


  


  
  


  



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